Welcoming Elin Betty; a birth story

 I thought perhaps it was time to write Elin's birth story, something admittidy I've been trying to do for weeks. I have no idea how I managed to blog so much when Theo was a baby, perhaps he let me put him down more, or maybe I was better at doing things one handed, oh and wait he was the only baby I had to look after...

But here we are! 12 weeks after she made her arrival into this world I can make a start at how she got here. 

I wasn't even sure that I would write up her birth story but I think I'd really like to look back in a few years and remind myself and record it whilst it's still a relatively recent memory. I really would like to try and record these early weeks and months too, so this is a reminder to myself to do so because having this archive of when Theo and Rohan as babies has been such a gift to look back on. 

So let's begin. 

I was convinced that the baby would come early, seeing as Rohan was born one week before his due date and I felt huge and ready. I was so tired, it was the summer holidays and as much as I knew it was my last pregnancy I was ready for it to be over. But that final week went by and we reached my due date, we didn't do much apart from getting all the boys haircut and I remember saying when we got home "ok baby you can come now, the house is tidy, the boys are tidy, we're ready for you!" That evening I had a bath then decided to try and have an early night as my hips were hurting and I just felt a bit different. I didn't really know that I would go into labour but looking back this was probably an indicator. I was woken up about 2am by stomach pains, I started timing them as they just felt different, and sure enough they came in little waves regularly. I went to the toilet and noticed a bit of the show and then I knew. Both the boys labour had started by my waters breaking first and then contractions starting so I was waiting for that to happen but it didn't and the contractions were becoming more regular. I woke Rob about 2.30 and told him what was happening, we rang Rob's parents as they were coming to look after the boys and then rang the midwife led unit where I was hoping to have the baby. I don't think I had time to think about the fact that this was it, this was the last part of being pregnant and that we'd be meeting our baby (hopefully!) very soon. I was just concentrating on my breathing, timing the contractions and making sure we had everything together. Rob packed the car whilst I dressed and I snuck in to give the boys a little kiss before Rob's dad arrived shortly after 3am and we headed off.

I started not being able to really talk through the contractions and just had to focus on breathing through them. We put on my birth playlist in the car as we drove through the dark empty roads into Bristol. I remember strange small details of focusing on the car door handle, the look of the road lights and the quiet world all around. It was raining and slightly stormy though and we finally arrived at St.Michaels hospital and dashed inside (an advantage of arriving in the early hours is getting a parking space right outside!)

We found our way to the unit, a different place than we'd been before when I gave birth to Rohan. I was glad of this, I'm not sure how I would've felt being on the same ward as where I had Rowie, and even though my experience of giving birth to him is pretty positive, it was the after I was worried about. I had a birth plan written with the psychologist to make the midwives and any staff dealing with my case aware of the past trauma associated with everything that happened after Rowie was born and what my hopes were for this birth. I wasn't afraid of giving birth, I was afraid of not knowing that everything was ok with this baby, of not knowing how the birth or aftercare would go, afraid of my baby having to be taken away from me again, afraid of being robbed of that experience once more. I wanted to know the baby was safe and healthy but I didn't want much medical intervention (if we could help it, obviously I would accept it if needed.) I didn't really have much of a plan other than that. I wanted to be in the water if possible, but I knew that labour and births don't always go to "plan" so I just wanted to be able to go with whatever was going to happen and stay calm. I also didn't want to have to go through what had happened with Rowie over and over and just be able to focus on this birth and baby as much as possible. 

Once we arrived on the suite about 3.30am (which was very luckily open as the delivery ward had been so busy that previous week that the midwife led unit had to be shut) and shown into our room. I honestly thought we'd been shown a fancy hotel room as we were greeted by a huge room with a large bed, low lights, a big birthing pool, floor mats and birthing ball. The midwife settled us in and did one internal check at around 4am. I was only 3cm dilated but the contractions were coming still regularly and strong that the midwife said if it was my first they'd probably send me home but she said my cervix was soft and could tell it wouldn't be that long. We set up my music and got unpacked and I paced. 

I started to feel sick and had to throw up pretty regularly, kneeling on the hard bathroom floor having contractions and being sick was the most intense feeling I've ever had. I couldn't keep anything down and just wanted to rest. My waters still hadn't broken but I was keeping on top of my contractions with my breathing. I tried to lay down in between the surges to try and rest as I could feel myself getting more and more tired but as soon as a new wave started I had to be up and pacing once more. Laying down became impossible so I'd walk, stop and lean and breathe and walk again. I told Rob to try and rest as I didn't need him then, except to hold my hair and get me water when I was sick. Things carried on like this for a while, the midwife came in periodically to listen to the babies heartbeat but I was mainly left on my own to progress through labour. I'd stopped timing my contractions when we arrived in hospital but they hadn't slowed or got less intense which had happened in my previous labours and I'd ended up having the syntocinon drip to kick start the contractions again. 

I could see the sun start to come up and the weather was wild outside of the window, the midwife started to run the bath and I asked to go in around 6am. She wanted to me to wait a little while longer and said half an hour just to make sure but an hour passed intensely and I finally was able to get in around 7am. The instant relief as I eased myself into the water was immense, I let the water surround and support me and fully relaxed into it. I could lean on the edge and float in between contractions, managing to close my eyes and rest. Soon enough though things seem to change gear and I told the midwife that I felt like I needed to push. I was fully expecting her to want to check me before I could but she told me to just go with my body, things from there just ramped up. I know the midwives were changing the shift and the new midwife with a student came into the room, my previous midwife decided to stay on also as I think everyone knew that it wouldn't be long.

I tried to stay calm, Rob was at the edge of my bath and I gripped onto his hands intensely through the contractions which now took over my whole body. I could feel the baby pushing and stretching me, my hips feeling like they were being pushed a part. I knew I was getting louder and louder, the panic was seeping in and I felt out of control. My waters finally popped and I could feel the baby moving down with every surge, which felt like there was barely seconds between. I'd had no pain relief at all up to that point and my breathing had kept me quiet and focussed on getting through each surge up until then but they were no longer working, doubt and pain flooded my body and I just lost myself as my body took over. I began to panic that I couldn't do it, the pain was just too intense and the force of the baby moving their way down and out felt like I was being split open. I was then offered the gas and air which I was hesitant to take as it had made me feel sick with Rowie, but this time I fully leaned into it, not taking it out of my mouth and using it to calm my breathing and take me to a place far away from the room I was in. I closed my eyes and focussed on the feeling of the baby very quickly making that final way down. I took the mouthpiece out to say that I could feel the head coming and the midwives encouraged me to feel, and there it was, I used the gas and air to get for the next two contractions and felt the head being born with the most intense feeling. Relief flooded my body as I took a moment before needing to birth the rest of the baby. Rob positioned himself to catch the baby as they emerged into the water but instead she floated up between my legs towards me and I reached down to grab her and pull her from the water. In doing so I saw that it was a girl and shock and disbelief flooded me. I said it's a girl! I can't believe it's a girl as I pulled her round on lay back with her on my chest. 

I remember asking if she looked ok, I checked her thumbs to see if they resembled Rohan's, I looked at her squashed up face and tried to know that everything looked fine. She was still covered in the vernix and we stayed in the pool letting the cord fully empty before Rob clamped and cut it himself. I delivered the placenta not long after without the injection and they asked us her name. We'd not really discussed fully or decided what the baby would be called if it was a girl but Rob looked at me and said "Elin?" a name which we'd both loved for a long time and we knew that there could be no other name for her. We had discussed using Betty for her middle name, after Rob's grandmother, and so she was, little Elin Betty had entered the world. 

She was taken off me to be cleaned up as I got out of the pool and changed into dry clothes and got myself onto the bed. Rob managed some skin to skin with her before she was placed back on my chest to begin to feed. 

After what felt like a pretty long time of uninterrupted feeding and skin to skin she was taken off me once again to be weighed and dressed whilst I rested some more. I had been checked and needed a couple of stitches so we prepared to move into a little room to get that done. Elin I think slept mainly in Rob's arms whilst this all happened and I think we were just in that post birth haze of disbelief and love. 

Once I had my stitches we were allowed to stay in our original room, I had tea and toast, Elin slept in the little side cot and I managed to sleep as well. Later I had to get up and try and do that first post birth wee, but as I got out of bed I passed a lot of blood which continued whilst I tried to have a shower and a clean up. The midwife wasn't too concerned as I'd not lost a lot of blood at birth but after quite a few hours of still loosing quite a bit of blood they were starting to get concerned. I had the injection to help my uterus further contract and there were talks of getting the doctor to have a look but thankfully in the end after moving to get out of bed I passed a pretty massive clot which seemed to have been the cause of the bleeding as after this things settled down pretty well. They think that perhaps the blood had just been pooling and clotting behind my cervix unable to pass but once it did everything was ok. It did mean though that they wanted to keep me overnight for observation so I would have to be moved down to the postnatal ward. The midwife though let us stay on the MLU and in our room as long as she was on her shift so that Rob could stay all day (currently partners were only allowed on the postnatal ward for an hour or so during visiting hours). We ordered in pizza and remained in our post birth bubble, sleeping, listening to music, talking with family, and feeding and adoring on our tiny baby girl. 

We'd done it, she was here.