When you feel like you're failing

I woke up in the middle of the night the other night, and after trying to some what unsuccessfully feed Rohan I lay awake annoyed and unable to get back to sleep. My mind was just whirring with so many thoughts which were mainly, as so often they are, about all the things I needed to do or thought I should've done. I woke up the next morning (after finally falling asleep!) feeling a bit like I'm failing and with a to do list as long as my arm. I know I shouldn't put this pressure on myself, and that actually what we have on our plate is enough already but somehow it makes me feel like I need to be doing more.

Like this blog for example, I love this little space and really want to use it to document our journey, write out silly thoughts and share photographs of our adventures and I feel like it's been somewhat neglected over the past few months. I don't want to give it up, and whilst I know it's never going to be my career or a money maker (not that I want it to be) I feel like I'm somehow letting my readers down, putting off people who would want to possibly work with me and generally being behind on any projects I've agreed to do or want to do. I know it's not really a big deal but this blog has been here since the beginning, before Theo was born and all the way through. It's helped me immensely get through different things, and I just feel like I'm way too invested to stop writing.


I remember having a bit of a wobble around this time with Theo. Six months of having a new baby and having to readjust your life and get into a new routine is hard enough when everything is relatively straightforward, but as you know things most definitely have not been straightforward. I really want to be able to keep up with everything I want to do, but whenever things are hard the blog and my social media are the first things to go, even though I do find them supportive and a great outlet. I just find it hard to actually get the time to sit down and do it, to take and edit photos, to plan and write posts and to reply to comments and read other blogs too. So whilst Rohan sleeps most of the night (thankfully) he doesn't really nap for longer than half an hour in the day, which I use to eat, do the washing or shove the hoover around, that's if he hasn't fallen asleep on me! Then there's all the feeding, which is every hour or two and the sterilising of bottles, add that to appointments we have to go to, the school run and then of course making and spending time with Theo - playing or helping him read etc. I know most of this is completely normal when you've just had another baby, but I just feel like sometimes I should be doing more, which I know is completely crazy. I hate this weird pressure that there is for your blog to be successful and for your stats to be consistent, and in reality I know none of that stuff matters but I really wish I could remind myself that and try not to care.

This isn't an attack on people who write blogs as their job, that's great, and I know how much work does go into it, but sometimes I hate the pressure of just because you have a blog you should instantly be making money out of it. I don't think my blog is particularly 'sellable' as perhaps it's quite personal and I use it as my diary to write down my thoughts and worries, and document our journey. I do of course like working with different companies when relevant, but I just worry about that balance. I hate letting people down too, but sometimes it's just hard when real life gets in the way.

This wasn't really supposed to be a whole post about losing my way with blogging, just more of an explaination that I'm finding it hard to keep all the balls that I'm juggling up in the air. Having two children is hard, let alone one with additional needs and sometimes something has to give. I'm not saying that I'm stopping, just perhaps that, as you may already have guessed from my lack of posts, I might not be around here as much as I'd like. Sometimes it feels like the longer I leave it the pressure to post builds up and up and I feel like I can't just pop on here with a little post about some skincare products I've been using without a big explanation of why it's been quiet first. If you get me?!

Woah this is rambly for sure, and I apologise but I just felt like I needed to get that off my chest. Sometimes all I want to do is sit down in the evening with Rob when Theo's gone to sleep, watch some telly and get an early night. Then another week goes by and nothing has been posted.