Regret
AAhhh. I'm not really sure what is happening, but I keep on feeling little slices of regret. I know it's just normal anxieties, but sometimes I find myself thinking, "I wish I wasn't having a baby". That's a really harsh thing to think, and whenever I think about the little thing inside me squirming around I feel awful.
It's little things that set me off, stupid things, like lying on the sofa watching tv with Rob, and thinking, this is all going to change in a few weeks. I think also it's because I know its going to change, but I can't imagine how it's going to be. Also I know it's eventually going to happen, but I have no idea when, and sometimes it doesn't seem as though it ever will. Like we'll constantly be counting down. I know I've said all this before, but I'm really really worried and scared about things changing, and how we're going to manage. I just can't fully relax and enjoy these last few weeks, because I know they are just that, the last few weeks. I know things are going to change, and hopefully it will change our lifes in an amazing way, but I just get scared that I'm really not ready for that change, and want to hang on to the way things are for longer.
I can't really describe how I feel, but its this feeling of anxiousness and fear. It makes me feel sad and also a bit desperate about what we are about to lose.
I know at some point I'm going to look back on this post and think I was mad to be saying this, but it's what I'm feeling. I feel bad for the baby for thinking this, and I'm so glad that he does exist and will very soon be with us, and that I love him a lot already, but I'm bloody scared!
This post doesn't really make much sense, but I think I just needed to get something out...
It's little things that set me off, stupid things, like lying on the sofa watching tv with Rob, and thinking, this is all going to change in a few weeks. I think also it's because I know its going to change, but I can't imagine how it's going to be. Also I know it's eventually going to happen, but I have no idea when, and sometimes it doesn't seem as though it ever will. Like we'll constantly be counting down. I know I've said all this before, but I'm really really worried and scared about things changing, and how we're going to manage. I just can't fully relax and enjoy these last few weeks, because I know they are just that, the last few weeks. I know things are going to change, and hopefully it will change our lifes in an amazing way, but I just get scared that I'm really not ready for that change, and want to hang on to the way things are for longer.
I can't really describe how I feel, but its this feeling of anxiousness and fear. It makes me feel sad and also a bit desperate about what we are about to lose.
I know at some point I'm going to look back on this post and think I was mad to be saying this, but it's what I'm feeling. I feel bad for the baby for thinking this, and I'm so glad that he does exist and will very soon be with us, and that I love him a lot already, but I'm bloody scared!
This post doesn't really make much sense, but I think I just needed to get something out...
I'd say what you're feeling is completely normal. I felt like that at times towards the end and we planned our baby so I knew exactly what was going to happen! Still made me a little sad towards the end thinking "soon I won't be able to do this" or "soon I'll have to always be thinking about someone else and not just what I want to do" when I was home alone chilling and waiting for her to arrive.
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