Oblivion
So here I am in Bristol, how exciting!
When I left my mum's on Thursday I was packing my things into my car, and got really upset. I had uncontrollable crying for about half an hour. The type of crying when you can't stop, and when you go to the toilet to get tissue and see yourself in the mirror it makes you cry even more. I was even crying as I made my sandwiches for the journey. I'm not sure why I cried so much, but it felt pretty good. My mum had gone out for the day, so I was leaving before she would be back. I got sad because I know she would be sad when she got home and I wasn't there anymore. I miss her very much indeed.
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I went to see Joanna Newsome on thursday night in Bristol. I love going for evenings out, and especially to gigs. It was so much better to see her there, in this amazing theatre hall, rather than at Greenman. There were so much going on at Greenman that it was hard to concentrate on the music fully, but in the hall it was so quiet when they were playing, that you could hear exactly what was going on, and pick out all the different parts. It was very amazing. I didn't mind going by myself, except that I would have had to walk across town by myself, but luckily Rob is very nice and offered to come and meet me. What a gentleman.
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So I started work at Pumpkin Patch on Friday. I had to start at 8, but spent the first couple of hours going through booklets and things. The manager is really nice, just really relaxed and easy going. I basically get to look at really sweet baby clothes all day. Lots of preggers women come in, and I get to chat to them about being pregnant (the manager was really excited about me working there, for this reason) also I get to look at sweet babies and children. There are so many nice little ones, that when you wave at them they just start smiling loads...A few of the girls at work are jealous that I'm pregnant, and one in particular really wants a baby. Being there and talking to people about it makes me realise that I'm not a very maternal person, I mean, I'm very very happy that I'm having one, but I wasn't obsessed with having a baby before, and I like children, but I don't go mad over them. I know this won't really make a different once I have one of my own, because I'm sure I'll love him loads and think he's the best thing in the world.
I'm making a mental list of all the things I want to buy from there, I actually think it's quite dangerous me working there, because I have such a weakness for baby clothes, especially dungarees.
Yesterday Rob came and met me for my lunch break, and took me out for something to eat. It was lovely. And today we were both working, and his work is on the lower floor of the shopping centre we work in, so it's nice just to pop in a say hello!
...
Suddenly I realised that I do actually look pregnant now, even if I'm not wearing particularly tight clothing. A lady even gave me her seat on the bus today, so I guess that's the first test. Its weird, I spent so long wanting a bump that I sort of didn't realise that there was one there now. And its only going to get bigger. God I can't actually believe that I'm going to have a baby. Seeing mum's and families in the last few days has been good, but also shocking, to think that is going to be me, and us in a few months. It's weird because the closer you get the more scary it is, and you know you can't go back. Like the first time you go on oblivion at Alton towers, it seems really exciting and fun, then you queue for ages, then the nearer you get, and the more times you see people on the ride you start to get scared, but you've queued for so long so you might as well go through with it. Then you get to the front, feeling pretty scared of the unknown, then you do it, and its scary but really fun, and you come off feeling excited.
God what a good analogy, I think this is what they should tell expecting parents. Having a baby and being pregnant is like going on oblivion for the first time. Job Done. (This really is a lot of shit)
Right I shall end it there. I do actually really want to go to Alton towers, but alas I can't. Bugs.
When I left my mum's on Thursday I was packing my things into my car, and got really upset. I had uncontrollable crying for about half an hour. The type of crying when you can't stop, and when you go to the toilet to get tissue and see yourself in the mirror it makes you cry even more. I was even crying as I made my sandwiches for the journey. I'm not sure why I cried so much, but it felt pretty good. My mum had gone out for the day, so I was leaving before she would be back. I got sad because I know she would be sad when she got home and I wasn't there anymore. I miss her very much indeed.
...
I went to see Joanna Newsome on thursday night in Bristol. I love going for evenings out, and especially to gigs. It was so much better to see her there, in this amazing theatre hall, rather than at Greenman. There were so much going on at Greenman that it was hard to concentrate on the music fully, but in the hall it was so quiet when they were playing, that you could hear exactly what was going on, and pick out all the different parts. It was very amazing. I didn't mind going by myself, except that I would have had to walk across town by myself, but luckily Rob is very nice and offered to come and meet me. What a gentleman.
...
So I started work at Pumpkin Patch on Friday. I had to start at 8, but spent the first couple of hours going through booklets and things. The manager is really nice, just really relaxed and easy going. I basically get to look at really sweet baby clothes all day. Lots of preggers women come in, and I get to chat to them about being pregnant (the manager was really excited about me working there, for this reason) also I get to look at sweet babies and children. There are so many nice little ones, that when you wave at them they just start smiling loads...A few of the girls at work are jealous that I'm pregnant, and one in particular really wants a baby. Being there and talking to people about it makes me realise that I'm not a very maternal person, I mean, I'm very very happy that I'm having one, but I wasn't obsessed with having a baby before, and I like children, but I don't go mad over them. I know this won't really make a different once I have one of my own, because I'm sure I'll love him loads and think he's the best thing in the world.
I'm making a mental list of all the things I want to buy from there, I actually think it's quite dangerous me working there, because I have such a weakness for baby clothes, especially dungarees.
Yesterday Rob came and met me for my lunch break, and took me out for something to eat. It was lovely. And today we were both working, and his work is on the lower floor of the shopping centre we work in, so it's nice just to pop in a say hello!
...
Suddenly I realised that I do actually look pregnant now, even if I'm not wearing particularly tight clothing. A lady even gave me her seat on the bus today, so I guess that's the first test. Its weird, I spent so long wanting a bump that I sort of didn't realise that there was one there now. And its only going to get bigger. God I can't actually believe that I'm going to have a baby. Seeing mum's and families in the last few days has been good, but also shocking, to think that is going to be me, and us in a few months. It's weird because the closer you get the more scary it is, and you know you can't go back. Like the first time you go on oblivion at Alton towers, it seems really exciting and fun, then you queue for ages, then the nearer you get, and the more times you see people on the ride you start to get scared, but you've queued for so long so you might as well go through with it. Then you get to the front, feeling pretty scared of the unknown, then you do it, and its scary but really fun, and you come off feeling excited.
God what a good analogy, I think this is what they should tell expecting parents. Having a baby and being pregnant is like going on oblivion for the first time. Job Done. (This really is a lot of shit)
Right I shall end it there. I do actually really want to go to Alton towers, but alas I can't. Bugs.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00ttbr9/Cherry_Has_a_Baby/# look at this!
ReplyDeleteplus we can go to alton towers once you're de-babied ha!
xxxx
oh that programme is great! she pretty much sums up all of my fears and feelings.
ReplyDeleteI can't watch anyone in labor and giving birth without crying, it's so weird.
It makes me want to have mine now.