tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28611324394682732702024-03-14T11:30:48.275+00:00Abigail and the FutureA photographic family diary abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.comBlogger1838125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-74197710999877861762021-10-30T09:54:00.006+01:002021-10-30T09:59:10.924+01:00Welcoming Elin Betty; a birth story <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjTTXxi8tnubopI_2h1M3ijxHmyd_OWSZDtKNZfnTNlXzUljC33Q_1VJD1opOBZhpOQ5Eeg0q0xzXls85-cGPwZgTzjJoyzkYwVDWchcWf0yLPL_ER9t9_Nmow7DKRaXGyjvOgqoDMbYVucin7B3SLhs3GX8m0HdQyR2MZPNU-WynZ5PIqc8jgrTxvHVQ=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjTTXxi8tnubopI_2h1M3ijxHmyd_OWSZDtKNZfnTNlXzUljC33Q_1VJD1opOBZhpOQ5Eeg0q0xzXls85-cGPwZgTzjJoyzkYwVDWchcWf0yLPL_ER9t9_Nmow7DKRaXGyjvOgqoDMbYVucin7B3SLhs3GX8m0HdQyR2MZPNU-WynZ5PIqc8jgrTxvHVQ=s16000" /></a></div> I thought perhaps it was time to write Elin's birth story, something admittidy I've been trying to do for weeks. I have no idea how I managed to blog so much when Theo was a baby, perhaps he let me put him down more, or maybe I was better at doing things one handed, oh and wait he was the only baby I had to look after...<p></p><p>But here we are! 12 weeks after she made her arrival into this world I can make a start at how she got here. </p><p>I wasn't even sure that I would write up her birth story but I think I'd really like to look back in a few years and remind myself and record it whilst it's still a relatively recent memory. I really would like to try and record these early weeks and months too, so this is a reminder to myself to do so because having this archive of when Theo and Rohan as babies has been such a gift to look back on. </p><p>So let's begin. </p><p>I was convinced that the baby would come early, seeing as Rohan was born one week before his due date and I felt huge and ready. I was so tired, it was the summer holidays and as much as I knew it was my last pregnancy I was ready for it to be over. But that final week went by and we reached my due date, we didn't do much apart from getting all the boys haircut and I remember saying when we got home "ok baby you can come now, the house is tidy, the boys are tidy, we're ready for you!" That evening I had a bath then decided to try and have an early night as my hips were hurting and I just felt a bit different. I didn't really know that I would go into labour but looking back this was probably an indicator. I was woken up about 2am by stomach pains, I started timing them as they just felt different, and sure enough they came in little waves regularly. I went to the toilet and noticed a bit of the show and then I knew. Both the boys labour had started by my waters breaking first and then contractions starting so I was waiting for that to happen but it didn't and the contractions were becoming more regular. I woke Rob about 2.30 and told him what was happening, we rang Rob's parents as they were coming to look after the boys and then rang the midwife led unit where I was hoping to have the baby. I don't think I had time to think about the fact that this was it, this was the last part of being pregnant and that we'd be meeting our baby (hopefully!) very soon. I was just concentrating on my breathing, timing the contractions and making sure we had everything together. Rob packed the car whilst I dressed and I snuck in to give the boys a little kiss before Rob's dad arrived shortly after 3am and we headed off.</p><p>I started not being able to really talk through the contractions and just had to focus on breathing through them. We put on my birth playlist in the car as we drove through the dark empty roads into Bristol. I remember strange small details of focusing on the car door handle, the look of the road lights and the quiet world all around. It was raining and slightly stormy though and we finally arrived at St.Michaels hospital and dashed inside (an advantage of arriving in the early hours is getting a parking space right outside!)</p><p>We found our way to the unit, a different place than we'd been before when I gave birth to Rohan. I was glad of this, I'm not sure how I would've felt being on the same ward as where I had Rowie, and even though my experience of giving birth to him is pretty positive, it was the after I was worried about. I had a birth plan written with the psychologist to make the midwives and any staff dealing with my case aware of the past trauma associated with everything that happened after Rowie was born and what my hopes were for this birth. I wasn't afraid of giving birth, I was afraid of not knowing that everything was ok with this baby, of not knowing how the birth or aftercare would go, afraid of my baby having to be taken away from me again, afraid of being robbed of that experience once more. I wanted to know the baby was safe and healthy but I didn't want much medical intervention (if we could help it, obviously I would accept it if needed.) I didn't really have much of a plan other than that. I wanted to be in the water if possible, but I knew that labour and births don't always go to "plan" so I just wanted to be able to go with whatever was going to happen and stay calm. I also didn't want to have to go through what had happened with Rowie over and over and just be able to focus on this birth and baby as much as possible. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgXBhHrSP1KGU44SAvWF1tMi9yjqxtu38JYASwDTZ6HDACKb-hMAwcH70xFQjOjaa-rZI7Hxb0CZJCWCtjn-8Xu_WNr6N_eFv7SE83QRJG-rVRMuNKj1hZziGYnyvZhNE-kj0Bu0GP-62JvEO2Ky5oobsRt-6FujPRthvILeBhKqwsvqcFOIzzHhM3XmQ=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgXBhHrSP1KGU44SAvWF1tMi9yjqxtu38JYASwDTZ6HDACKb-hMAwcH70xFQjOjaa-rZI7Hxb0CZJCWCtjn-8Xu_WNr6N_eFv7SE83QRJG-rVRMuNKj1hZziGYnyvZhNE-kj0Bu0GP-62JvEO2Ky5oobsRt-6FujPRthvILeBhKqwsvqcFOIzzHhM3XmQ=s16000" /></a></div><p></p><p>Once we arrived on the suite about 3.30am (which was very luckily open as the delivery ward had been so busy that previous week that the midwife led unit had to be shut) and shown into our room. I honestly thought we'd been shown a fancy hotel room as we were greeted by a huge room with a large bed, low lights, a big birthing pool, floor mats and birthing ball. The midwife settled us in and did one internal check at around 4am. I was only 3cm dilated but the contractions were coming still regularly and strong that the midwife said if it was my first they'd probably send me home but she said my cervix was soft and could tell it wouldn't be that long. We set up my music and got unpacked and I paced. </p><p>I started to feel sick and had to throw up pretty regularly, kneeling on the hard bathroom floor having contractions and being sick was the most intense feeling I've ever had. I couldn't keep anything down and just wanted to rest. My waters still hadn't broken but I was keeping on top of my contractions with my breathing. I tried to lay down in between the surges to try and rest as I could feel myself getting more and more tired but as soon as a new wave started I had to be up and pacing once more. Laying down became impossible so I'd walk, stop and lean and breathe and walk again. I told Rob to try and rest as I didn't need him then, except to hold my hair and get me water when I was sick. Things carried on like this for a while, the midwife came in periodically to listen to the babies heartbeat but I was mainly left on my own to progress through labour. I'd stopped timing my contractions when we arrived in hospital but they hadn't slowed or got less intense which had happened in my previous labours and I'd ended up having the syntocinon drip to kick start the contractions again. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgC1SThnuDNeMGG_SintrbNW559_aj1AuNSsD4ejYMpw-Pb6MZZ2jEGtgISd_sZgjB0avYa-ejOmbtd8CCiPJj8Nf7cc-mC2ahpfS9jz1T-rOLFYDUhnlFLqHDUc5T8HuU74IE2-caEpZsxG0C2V4gwepXikI2SjY29QjHa_s0KqFsMhsvpA7QpOyOwjw=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgC1SThnuDNeMGG_SintrbNW559_aj1AuNSsD4ejYMpw-Pb6MZZ2jEGtgISd_sZgjB0avYa-ejOmbtd8CCiPJj8Nf7cc-mC2ahpfS9jz1T-rOLFYDUhnlFLqHDUc5T8HuU74IE2-caEpZsxG0C2V4gwepXikI2SjY29QjHa_s0KqFsMhsvpA7QpOyOwjw=s16000" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhdbQqdZbE69ltwZGfcz0OKe7YMjwcALmup4exmZKLyM_JWClhsFoDw8LzV3TA-CmrTVCDUpsUPz2BkiD7NmB8XAKsh701CdTH1ursj72p9RVe31ag4EsaOMVngQ5BOKjA6GI2ngnQe63r10zzJWwYLHWFunnq4lwPEsdAhj9vThzGWek32xFr4HsBf8Q=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhdbQqdZbE69ltwZGfcz0OKe7YMjwcALmup4exmZKLyM_JWClhsFoDw8LzV3TA-CmrTVCDUpsUPz2BkiD7NmB8XAKsh701CdTH1ursj72p9RVe31ag4EsaOMVngQ5BOKjA6GI2ngnQe63r10zzJWwYLHWFunnq4lwPEsdAhj9vThzGWek32xFr4HsBf8Q=s16000" /></a></div><p>I could see the sun start to come up and the weather was wild outside of the window, the midwife started to run the bath and I asked to go in around 6am. She wanted to me to wait a little while longer and said half an hour just to make sure but an hour passed intensely and I finally was able to get in around 7am. The instant relief as I eased myself into the water was immense, I let the water surround and support me and fully relaxed into it. I could lean on the edge and float in between contractions, managing to close my eyes and rest. Soon enough though things seem to change gear and I told the midwife that I felt like I needed to push. I was fully expecting her to want to check me before I could but she told me to just go with my body, things from there just ramped up. I know the midwives were changing the shift and the new midwife with a student came into the room, my previous midwife decided to stay on also as I think everyone knew that it wouldn't be long.</p><p>I tried to stay calm, Rob was at the edge of my bath and I gripped onto his hands intensely through the contractions which now took over my whole body. I could feel the baby pushing and stretching me, my hips feeling like they were being pushed a part. I knew I was getting louder and louder, the panic was seeping in and I felt out of control. My waters finally popped and I could feel the baby moving down with every surge, which felt like there was barely seconds between. I'd had no pain relief at all up to that point and my breathing had kept me quiet and focussed on getting through each surge up until then but they were no longer working, doubt and pain flooded my body and I just lost myself as my body took over. I began to panic that I couldn't do it, the pain was just too intense and the force of the baby moving their way down and out felt like I was being split open. I was then offered the gas and air which I was hesitant to take as it had made me feel sick with Rowie, but this time I fully leaned into it, not taking it out of my mouth and using it to calm my breathing and take me to a place far away from the room I was in. I closed my eyes and focussed on the feeling of the baby very quickly making that final way down. I took the mouthpiece out to say that I could feel the head coming and the midwives encouraged me to feel, and there it was, I used the gas and air to get for the next two contractions and felt the head being born with the most intense feeling. Relief flooded my body as I took a moment before needing to birth the rest of the baby. Rob positioned himself to catch the baby as they emerged into the water but instead she floated up between my legs towards me and I reached down to grab her and pull her from the water. In doing so I saw that it was a girl and shock and disbelief flooded me. I said it's a girl! I can't believe it's a girl as I pulled her round on lay back with her on my chest. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgkBMg8MtFcLSriwSBYqi9OLhruPvCi4MRsTo-6kzAQM8zM28UqQbmo5QlUqaxFn-G4pKB8KncHoYHnOz5R3uCP0oiEpmRUkiRiE3i8FiTG5ha9l9Jd4gIhvz3A1Z9cTFznvEudbcYhgEhNDagvyIA7c3x_jDoKfPyZmtLDL4cRgWlml4t1lM11wPvMLg=s2048" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgkBMg8MtFcLSriwSBYqi9OLhruPvCi4MRsTo-6kzAQM8zM28UqQbmo5QlUqaxFn-G4pKB8KncHoYHnOz5R3uCP0oiEpmRUkiRiE3i8FiTG5ha9l9Jd4gIhvz3A1Z9cTFznvEudbcYhgEhNDagvyIA7c3x_jDoKfPyZmtLDL4cRgWlml4t1lM11wPvMLg=s16000" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiH4IL3miC7JjjIQnk-IWnpo3dtnpsw-y8CUm_-2ZPEF3XKi0__k4av6NmxxCEVVnFqv-3mxgWmvEyWTr5sjQUgAHixC-TW7mtaXw5SxbtGp6mvr-RcOtCp3LzdRoq4nPxwFLk5YGjLpZqhi6EejDoYpxkT3fuj_fBAkD6o-NQlnCUGtM2qwFTPUUWvtQ=s2048" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiH4IL3miC7JjjIQnk-IWnpo3dtnpsw-y8CUm_-2ZPEF3XKi0__k4av6NmxxCEVVnFqv-3mxgWmvEyWTr5sjQUgAHixC-TW7mtaXw5SxbtGp6mvr-RcOtCp3LzdRoq4nPxwFLk5YGjLpZqhi6EejDoYpxkT3fuj_fBAkD6o-NQlnCUGtM2qwFTPUUWvtQ=s16000" /></a></div><p>I remember asking if she looked ok, I checked her thumbs to see if they resembled Rohan's, I looked at her squashed up face and tried to know that everything looked fine. She was still covered in the vernix and we stayed in the pool letting the cord fully empty before Rob clamped and cut it himself. I delivered the placenta not long after without the injection and they asked us her name. We'd not really discussed fully or decided what the baby would be called if it was a girl but Rob looked at me and said "Elin?" a name which we'd both loved for a long time and we knew that there could be no other name for her. We had discussed using Betty for her middle name, after Rob's grandmother, and so she was, little Elin Betty had entered the world. </p><p>She was taken off me to be cleaned up as I got out of the pool and changed into dry clothes and got myself onto the bed. Rob managed some skin to skin with her before she was placed back on my chest to begin to feed. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEivDgidnE2V1wwWdTpoWtckL1wWqDS9a-x8L8xUUO0_M37im4tLvQlSCY18BqwOIkHZtn0V-wvwDyvSm_G_Kdciesf5mrz1Kr1CK06KofC39BjHPMwDRe8Vg0wEaRq0mV9vHg_vKp0Z0CuLR8sOwcRpyONrzKOa4NSNp0u-3dOvzms7dN7i2Z0MAE8urg=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEivDgidnE2V1wwWdTpoWtckL1wWqDS9a-x8L8xUUO0_M37im4tLvQlSCY18BqwOIkHZtn0V-wvwDyvSm_G_Kdciesf5mrz1Kr1CK06KofC39BjHPMwDRe8Vg0wEaRq0mV9vHg_vKp0Z0CuLR8sOwcRpyONrzKOa4NSNp0u-3dOvzms7dN7i2Z0MAE8urg=s16000" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiuv_GBK2xr_H2veDFMK9Rt45vgSkkHK5iseXk5NGimBU3iQU2lEDr11nLMSlteddGFrGfcrc5eOBMVSSgzYXd25qBkLCOFaW28wGF1gaXVaDR_xtg8Ap-tdHzPZ63O_5zItzRg-OhTaBwMC0-rELpEstcWGgn0P4HGUz5pPyrCjUjURk6qNPMk5MzLbQ=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiuv_GBK2xr_H2veDFMK9Rt45vgSkkHK5iseXk5NGimBU3iQU2lEDr11nLMSlteddGFrGfcrc5eOBMVSSgzYXd25qBkLCOFaW28wGF1gaXVaDR_xtg8Ap-tdHzPZ63O_5zItzRg-OhTaBwMC0-rELpEstcWGgn0P4HGUz5pPyrCjUjURk6qNPMk5MzLbQ=s16000" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj0CKXCb6RGRfkY5Kjhk4gh2HXzRaqR60FLg4mug_NI3LygYeObzhifwrsPfaPr5UTl5LYlxNeLR9NXMEY_Vdaao6Mr2Tir4Cx_JmCGq_aBT38RHBx4U-LLauFWS6PAgiiUWtZ_jL6mIcLXsNTNzhu81_brSQabwxRwZlWlPWI3pYrB5ZjTWotlpNOKIg=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj0CKXCb6RGRfkY5Kjhk4gh2HXzRaqR60FLg4mug_NI3LygYeObzhifwrsPfaPr5UTl5LYlxNeLR9NXMEY_Vdaao6Mr2Tir4Cx_JmCGq_aBT38RHBx4U-LLauFWS6PAgiiUWtZ_jL6mIcLXsNTNzhu81_brSQabwxRwZlWlPWI3pYrB5ZjTWotlpNOKIg=s16000" /></a></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">After what felt like a pretty long time of uninterrupted feeding and skin to skin she was taken off me once again to be weighed and dressed whilst I rested some more. I had been checked and needed a couple of stitches so we prepared to move into a little room to get that done. Elin I think slept mainly in Rob's arms whilst this all happened and I think we were just in that post birth haze of disbelief and love. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhLtSrWZszCLrS-ZCPJAP8slrmpSRr-Aw3lIRy8sxE3UDjb2XVgL07uywWAg8mA39uXTAZKnhoLhSoSapDplxTFmLjjzQQ_9pe8xA0Yy_umqGznu2151wj6ZVKerpf7bad2YMx2mTqSXp2tZQyz0dPi-REOf5_KnqYDV9IVY8rUc6qYAtK0TXmRBoFiAg=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhLtSrWZszCLrS-ZCPJAP8slrmpSRr-Aw3lIRy8sxE3UDjb2XVgL07uywWAg8mA39uXTAZKnhoLhSoSapDplxTFmLjjzQQ_9pe8xA0Yy_umqGznu2151wj6ZVKerpf7bad2YMx2mTqSXp2tZQyz0dPi-REOf5_KnqYDV9IVY8rUc6qYAtK0TXmRBoFiAg=s16000" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div>Once I had my stitches we were allowed to stay in our original room, I had tea and toast, Elin slept in the little side cot and I managed to sleep as well. Later I had to get up and try and do that first post birth wee, but as I got out of bed I passed a lot of blood which continued whilst I tried to have a shower and a clean up. The midwife wasn't too concerned as I'd not lost a lot of blood at birth but after quite a few hours of still loosing quite a bit of blood they were starting to get concerned. I had the injection to help my uterus further contract and there were talks of getting the doctor to have a look but thankfully in the end after moving to get out of bed I passed a pretty massive clot which seemed to have been the cause of the bleeding as after this things settled down pretty well. They think that perhaps the blood had just been pooling and clotting behind my cervix unable to pass but once it did everything was ok. It did mean though that they wanted to keep me overnight for observation so I would have to be moved down to the postnatal ward. The midwife though let us stay on the MLU and in our room as long as she was on her shift so that Rob could stay all day (currently partners were only allowed on the postnatal ward for an hour or so during visiting hours). We ordered in pizza and remained in our post birth bubble, sleeping, listening to music, talking with family, and feeding and adoring on our tiny baby girl. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We'd done it, she was here. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjjuXpTArWLYqP-rpYXPRQbceM4YhDgwMlWQhoW38uyRlHxYhAcrc7Fegi9DzIP68tME0dENMM6rFKjqlh8dXndubtEA81JxhO-Fqw76TzRZut60RfwoGBEq-uAK-FEGoeHzoXhZCAzSkJazqffSIhrg-QnRTZcfe6pmMKfKdtn6V1-AUXOYsCkytrOKg=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjjuXpTArWLYqP-rpYXPRQbceM4YhDgwMlWQhoW38uyRlHxYhAcrc7Fegi9DzIP68tME0dENMM6rFKjqlh8dXndubtEA81JxhO-Fqw76TzRZut60RfwoGBEq-uAK-FEGoeHzoXhZCAzSkJazqffSIhrg-QnRTZcfe6pmMKfKdtn6V1-AUXOYsCkytrOKg=s16000" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjtRmzRcaX6_GDIHWsNdg00kuOZ4voIzq-_Ossm5XQ024Qwx5tZDPObc8nQ5dSWyrvZrR4F88DxDg0F3hbEd0_EV8IWVkI6rl90IqWPd8S2krRsw59psbdSkKGlbJuLLdqYKnNG4BOlbsWFBawKicUEM55uuTFSjy6oVybU8CQGLFL5jqbuE0w5SFRxzQ=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjtRmzRcaX6_GDIHWsNdg00kuOZ4voIzq-_Ossm5XQ024Qwx5tZDPObc8nQ5dSWyrvZrR4F88DxDg0F3hbEd0_EV8IWVkI6rl90IqWPd8S2krRsw59psbdSkKGlbJuLLdqYKnNG4BOlbsWFBawKicUEM55uuTFSjy6oVybU8CQGLFL5jqbuE0w5SFRxzQ=s16000" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjjlLx6M4wImppGJ3nDiTpNXiqDfxPjhXu8LEZGpP2MQdaQPJz3AcnWl0mOFs_oVRpPCLPFsEZ45N1eQND0G-XSWOTwwJvOtm785SAJP4SKAmZVK1I2omUeuUR3DYLE3eL-5Om1bDB76RJ4CMUQ8GQvofp12i5rCz3KAmFVsvq02FVI8JvRaEqbO0jLTw=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjjlLx6M4wImppGJ3nDiTpNXiqDfxPjhXu8LEZGpP2MQdaQPJz3AcnWl0mOFs_oVRpPCLPFsEZ45N1eQND0G-XSWOTwwJvOtm785SAJP4SKAmZVK1I2omUeuUR3DYLE3eL-5Om1bDB76RJ4CMUQ8GQvofp12i5rCz3KAmFVsvq02FVI8JvRaEqbO0jLTw=s16000" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p></p>abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-64352829196454756442021-09-09T11:49:00.002+01:002021-09-09T11:52:47.279+01:00 My last pregnancy <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzyeeymnHVm-Fxi0rqSDP1rr01jSyLGeAqpkeHHBT7BmMlozg9Z3TUoUeMADHEjjplXS5l7xccpZutuLUvSTw-1et1Kag6bx5_CCEg8aX-njFew7lqntfEqwfhiSQqipDtORb4Wcm5fuIe/s1616/DSC07516.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1616" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzyeeymnHVm-Fxi0rqSDP1rr01jSyLGeAqpkeHHBT7BmMlozg9Z3TUoUeMADHEjjplXS5l7xccpZutuLUvSTw-1et1Kag6bx5_CCEg8aX-njFew7lqntfEqwfhiSQqipDtORb4Wcm5fuIe/s16000/DSC07516.JPG" /></a></div></div><p></p><p> I finally thought that perhaps it was time to restart this little blog, to try and document a little of Elin's life and the pictures we've taken so far. So where better to start than her pregnancy? I've got a bunch of photos from the pregnancy that I'd like to be kept somewhere as I really wanted to make sure I documented it this time around, knowing for sure that this is the last time that I'll go through this journey. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p style="text-align: left;">She is currently 5 weeks old, asleep on my chest on a rainy September morning. The house is quiet as both boys are back to school and we're just figuring out this new routine and life with a baby after the hectic Summer holidays when she joined us.</p><p style="text-align: left;">So here is a short run down of my pregnancy with her...</p></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-RwAt5lcMO9FQz_lVCYtOGkebPhCAQPtwhO1iCZpLylVA1xrWii8gf9sZF1vozFzIplFS3jw2l2VltmKtInMQm8BRDI1IzSCJ0Cu9NJk5rSwioCx457P14HSSYXgVFPV6QxDf0KxD4euk/s1600/5c96cca2-f01b-45f4-b5bb-a92aaf4d1402.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1288" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-RwAt5lcMO9FQz_lVCYtOGkebPhCAQPtwhO1iCZpLylVA1xrWii8gf9sZF1vozFzIplFS3jw2l2VltmKtInMQm8BRDI1IzSCJ0Cu9NJk5rSwioCx457P14HSSYXgVFPV6QxDf0KxD4euk/s16000/5c96cca2-f01b-45f4-b5bb-a92aaf4d1402.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhEYN8lw-QpdOg3n_vA0EgA8NNdLCWTOLR9o8_3DXWOtEIg8whsGWbyT1wQSib-w7oT2yoQ-QWSVwll6PgeGJHc2M8OZG3RHVdodn-ACEmuvjwTdp73lfP-pUk0NG8pEiXctj3cumtxqqQ/s1102/96A7BCC8-8145-4546-B092-8EA0B90D6922.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="826" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhEYN8lw-QpdOg3n_vA0EgA8NNdLCWTOLR9o8_3DXWOtEIg8whsGWbyT1wQSib-w7oT2yoQ-QWSVwll6PgeGJHc2M8OZG3RHVdodn-ACEmuvjwTdp73lfP-pUk0NG8pEiXctj3cumtxqqQ/s16000/96A7BCC8-8145-4546-B092-8EA0B90D6922.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiKy3zTA8TRxrOqjchu5A23vcDiKmeamHwF50PUe0pyAfqNrwltj4tkjRYwGobF_e-k7UMSGmjIGLUIMkcCZIfWkLqxFnnY41X2mUA0vyJuAv2lbbuVgjvLeQXwbgDaR2Nr6McJll_0FwO/s2048/CE3724E7-F009-48C0-86F8-429A5C44A1E4.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiKy3zTA8TRxrOqjchu5A23vcDiKmeamHwF50PUe0pyAfqNrwltj4tkjRYwGobF_e-k7UMSGmjIGLUIMkcCZIfWkLqxFnnY41X2mUA0vyJuAv2lbbuVgjvLeQXwbgDaR2Nr6McJll_0FwO/s16000/CE3724E7-F009-48C0-86F8-429A5C44A1E4.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieEbjTl68fEe2M8kkJdegtHoCLzJscO39IdVPdGHR4HX7M87p-E_aXqM8yr_xddlAkuqA-8QSKSt39Brl3Nf8lseQc91f3Vs6AOwXPZHYXdxr7x8HNg0peWJbBa6LTSPaUinP2WTSPS_bB/s2048/5B70DD8A-DE72-4A6F-A83E-94E41B4D0D4E.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieEbjTl68fEe2M8kkJdegtHoCLzJscO39IdVPdGHR4HX7M87p-E_aXqM8yr_xddlAkuqA-8QSKSt39Brl3Nf8lseQc91f3Vs6AOwXPZHYXdxr7x8HNg0peWJbBa6LTSPaUinP2WTSPS_bB/w360-h640/5B70DD8A-DE72-4A6F-A83E-94E41B4D0D4E.JPG" width="360" /></a></div></div><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">We found out that I was pregnant in November 2020, a month or two after deciding that finally we felt ready to try for another baby to join and complete our family. It's taken a good few years to get to this point but I'm so glad we did. This pregnancy was filled with anxiety from the start, I dreaded those first few months of not knowing how it would all go, whether we would make it to the magic 12 week mark and beyond. It was a hard few months. I felt pretty awful too, lots of nausea, lots of going to bed at 5pm, lots of not having energy for much at all, it was draining. We finally made it to the 12 week scan and all looked good, we were referred to the fetal medicine unit to take care of us and have extra scans to make sure all was progressing as it should. We were offered amniocentesis to check for Rohan's syndrome but decided against it at 12 weeks because of the risk of miscarriage. We then had a further scan at 16 weeks as we thought perhaps we would have the testing done then, but again decided against it, at the last minute. </span></div></div><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqZmxEoMTedXpkdfwfg4M5SRlSPZn4lnJZ0akDD-xUwwU3XwJQQlv0py6IOmtbdLZxyjtvH3DAVcdcthiz-VM7fLcEIPSaSfyjgW8aC2_V3D-VG3W9ZpA8WVoEhBmV1gtdM92yXLlNfyi1/s2048/77705E43-D80C-4D76-9952-4EB6F108D3F3.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqZmxEoMTedXpkdfwfg4M5SRlSPZn4lnJZ0akDD-xUwwU3XwJQQlv0py6IOmtbdLZxyjtvH3DAVcdcthiz-VM7fLcEIPSaSfyjgW8aC2_V3D-VG3W9ZpA8WVoEhBmV1gtdM92yXLlNfyi1/s16000/77705E43-D80C-4D76-9952-4EB6F108D3F3.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguEh2p6RCtN9KF7X-qtXgQUJ4tZ-r29WlQiClrIx2ImIacqenl81OGwrIYTCf71B3jRpoI54VjutZrEObzQcZ5GD2Mphgj0wZwWOnPohaTRUi_aB3Eo45PQVOoZu9g1OikMedWNz39ytqQ/s2048/B7F9341A-B354-4783-BF5B-9935678670C9.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgzxNcxKAjhNk9gL9OrsDxEgBAdnqjyL2xE1Y5gL8PRIlNF7RcRzTWiAWcjqVfB3HtAQs2m9yaXFRtJeYgSWTGAvrhuIh5Nxuo7jAv04w-khA1LPoYUDJ6vqqwjMAjsSE8LZOZDQBOav6r/s2048/DSC01029.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgzxNcxKAjhNk9gL9OrsDxEgBAdnqjyL2xE1Y5gL8PRIlNF7RcRzTWiAWcjqVfB3HtAQs2m9yaXFRtJeYgSWTGAvrhuIh5Nxuo7jAv04w-khA1LPoYUDJ6vqqwjMAjsSE8LZOZDQBOav6r/s16000/DSC01029.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4oIseTSzJja1A4Anrwoau_xfVeZGpFz2N77j-eDGZs8HVX4bsPlxnWOZlQcxTUd2W6z0J2Yp8pj_rlV5xVmcUuHccH1FMQeEF4Wt_sMMy_UGqLKvH-ZJRKK2vIZZS72p8JZN_tboYc5XN/s2048/IMG_1442.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4oIseTSzJja1A4Anrwoau_xfVeZGpFz2N77j-eDGZs8HVX4bsPlxnWOZlQcxTUd2W6z0J2Yp8pj_rlV5xVmcUuHccH1FMQeEF4Wt_sMMy_UGqLKvH-ZJRKK2vIZZS72p8JZN_tboYc5XN/s16000/IMG_1442.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCCIcS0lc5kvEGYpKueKew44HJVqHu3wBFY0UbhYnY2Ha-B_1nhQ3MgOo5x7CrVqANCh1yO36ZGVVoT1fX7JqDHSdMfeTQvye5p0TAcpnWmsVzzQ-aAAz1E0C0M2yafwBiThiouRiYCtmo/s1600/1d98b743-6793-4427-b834-bab9c5e5274a+2.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCCIcS0lc5kvEGYpKueKew44HJVqHu3wBFY0UbhYnY2Ha-B_1nhQ3MgOo5x7CrVqANCh1yO36ZGVVoT1fX7JqDHSdMfeTQvye5p0TAcpnWmsVzzQ-aAAz1E0C0M2yafwBiThiouRiYCtmo/s16000/1d98b743-6793-4427-b834-bab9c5e5274a+2.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSdTbKy5UOEDe8t9AzX90CqFQnCzqRuUaW8pywa_2ovBhjWwJzfPThkijtfbv936tk3SaJu6AMnf907pdfSrgUIk_ynzmAw49MvjF8QVNngwfI6ttbpd7ckvkPaPKxatxIgFbTCKAYJZ94/s2048/IMG_0592.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSdTbKy5UOEDe8t9AzX90CqFQnCzqRuUaW8pywa_2ovBhjWwJzfPThkijtfbv936tk3SaJu6AMnf907pdfSrgUIk_ynzmAw49MvjF8QVNngwfI6ttbpd7ckvkPaPKxatxIgFbTCKAYJZ94/s16000/IMG_0592.JPG" /><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguEh2p6RCtN9KF7X-qtXgQUJ4tZ-r29WlQiClrIx2ImIacqenl81OGwrIYTCf71B3jRpoI54VjutZrEObzQcZ5GD2Mphgj0wZwWOnPohaTRUi_aB3Eo45PQVOoZu9g1OikMedWNz39ytqQ/s16000/B7F9341A-B354-4783-BF5B-9935678670C9.JPG" /></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">So we had an anxious wait for the 20 week scan where we would have a cardio echo to check the heart as well as an in depth anomaly scan. The heart scan thankfully looked all ok, and we went onto the fetal scan afterwards. Everything had looked good at the 16 week scan but we were told that it was too early to pick up most things, but we were still hoping that it would all look ok. It did apart from a mild kidney dilation, which we weren't expecting. It was such a blow as we were really hoping it was all 100% ok. Mild kidney dilation is the most common birth defect that can be picked up, and in itself usually isn't much to worry about as it's likely to resolve itself before birth. It's also not usually linked to any syndrome or an indicator that there is something genetic going on, but we were told that they couldn't rule out a link between it and RTS (Rohan's syndrome) and once again we were offered amnio to double check. We had many conversations with our geneticist, the consultant and my midwife about it but in the end we declined the testing again. At this stage we were hoping that it was all just a minor thing that wasn't linked to anything else. We also decided not to find out the sex of the baby. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5Kn_m_2vxg-Kme5Zsh9VvPSJyMRRFueelMz5_hCguI1AFvjzliiIzqnxLcHotUxilQCqGJCSkzjz02rSd-XHB8ixAWWcDCVIi96cIg2LSsNQpmsTzX8jvoCQ8chb7aXqoo-idQJawEZzo/s1616/pict210219_1124550000.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1616" data-original-width="1080" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5Kn_m_2vxg-Kme5Zsh9VvPSJyMRRFueelMz5_hCguI1AFvjzliiIzqnxLcHotUxilQCqGJCSkzjz02rSd-XHB8ixAWWcDCVIi96cIg2LSsNQpmsTzX8jvoCQ8chb7aXqoo-idQJawEZzo/s16000/pict210219_1124550000.JPG" /></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_VTqviPh4tGEVkIxBsxEXIDo4pDDID1wpu8z_IAPqyeTRGSR9EsqmC-WvbllCHh7UNzRoHwshbI9jD0b0FMxROZLgbwIaJf_XYhTMI2X1GlxluSSdVTF0R2P1vgV0ttmBBEIOmtcicouQ/s1616/pict210219_1122480000.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1616" data-original-width="1080" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_VTqviPh4tGEVkIxBsxEXIDo4pDDID1wpu8z_IAPqyeTRGSR9EsqmC-WvbllCHh7UNzRoHwshbI9jD0b0FMxROZLgbwIaJf_XYhTMI2X1GlxluSSdVTF0R2P1vgV0ttmBBEIOmtcicouQ/s16000/pict210219_1122480000.JPG" /></a></div></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLlVNP2F3W-dF4yrJbg5yGS4a9ky42pRr5bh5cymcOh2I791ofETPYFYIa8DHDybobEnl2TbUJ_OsmXxY96QEXbTIsWOwgWvVuvBRgVhJj0LztKciMrHUcf76bsKOtwnNiAv5Eaa8t0kIS/s1616/pict210219_1126070000.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1616" data-original-width="1080" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLlVNP2F3W-dF4yrJbg5yGS4a9ky42pRr5bh5cymcOh2I791ofETPYFYIa8DHDybobEnl2TbUJ_OsmXxY96QEXbTIsWOwgWvVuvBRgVhJj0LztKciMrHUcf76bsKOtwnNiAv5Eaa8t0kIS/s16000/pict210219_1126070000.JPG" /></a></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWfvEUs9Qa5RQm3lMUQvzCJ3I5Gdg-vOMz-1l22UfylVhfcINAVpXNXTjcqTCRtVumk9jEi2tDaqNyrw0UyT0VP2UEuVyuwQMH76Vqf-NyMQB9mG__wY_LvEVPS1zZ2FUXSAi7gIFrca1h/s1616/pict210219_1135460000.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1616" data-original-width="1080" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWfvEUs9Qa5RQm3lMUQvzCJ3I5Gdg-vOMz-1l22UfylVhfcINAVpXNXTjcqTCRtVumk9jEi2tDaqNyrw0UyT0VP2UEuVyuwQMH76Vqf-NyMQB9mG__wY_LvEVPS1zZ2FUXSAi7gIFrca1h/s16000/pict210219_1135460000.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1jPEnOLZVTG6WPa2N7gEPzcCl7RF-9TEq3oXafjPzxYwt-LOLO_A3-2sMcolVQ8hEEu6Bu3W2sBw9OM_N5AJHaMpbj_Ix5eNSkKxV9MkdnNJ20JzuX0VOYQcXwpaV37IZOjbPWo4nMUB7/s1616/pict210219_1127480000.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1616" data-original-width="1080" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1jPEnOLZVTG6WPa2N7gEPzcCl7RF-9TEq3oXafjPzxYwt-LOLO_A3-2sMcolVQ8hEEu6Bu3W2sBw9OM_N5AJHaMpbj_Ix5eNSkKxV9MkdnNJ20JzuX0VOYQcXwpaV37IZOjbPWo4nMUB7/s16000/pict210219_1127480000.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr52-nHENyvSpGTB7IaUB0Iby2opKGUr9iTgwk-0CPLpXtF5A2MMze9mOMyIxr2Kd9qaFwm9uKbehbML-iZfo94gO1SkfJZgnbHXPg3wfKXygoAdT4VfXTaDzE0Ks_y-YyVt5ygpaAigDw/s1616/pict210219_1138290000.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1616" data-original-width="1080" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr52-nHENyvSpGTB7IaUB0Iby2opKGUr9iTgwk-0CPLpXtF5A2MMze9mOMyIxr2Kd9qaFwm9uKbehbML-iZfo94gO1SkfJZgnbHXPg3wfKXygoAdT4VfXTaDzE0Ks_y-YyVt5ygpaAigDw/s16000/pict210219_1138290000.JPG" /></a></div></div></div><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">We were scheduled for another scan at 28 weeks, to check on the kidney and for another heart scan. I know that perhaps having the amnio would've put our minds at east to know that nothing else was going on, to be able to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy without worry (I'm not actually sure that's possible, even with testing) and to try and relax but the risk of losing the pregnancy after how far we'd come was too much of a fear for an otherwise healthy looking baby. It's a really hard decision to make and although plenty of people offered their opinion (after we asked for their advice!) it's hard to know what you'd actually do until you're faced with the decision yourself. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGqEZ9dQ7NS3BjB8yo-S301-SrQsmB5AxVp-wo_fvG7VZ2XX5vs9mfWBkt76WgJsj4pnDTjUAJoUW5hw4mwWgTu6BRJddkx_wEWurJyTJKk2OFWIPkNdtatPAR6OLtKDM3QgzJFpSvPAiV/s2048/IMG_1331.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGqEZ9dQ7NS3BjB8yo-S301-SrQsmB5AxVp-wo_fvG7VZ2XX5vs9mfWBkt76WgJsj4pnDTjUAJoUW5hw4mwWgTu6BRJddkx_wEWurJyTJKk2OFWIPkNdtatPAR6OLtKDM3QgzJFpSvPAiV/s16000/IMG_1331.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1TCS9AUA8tt_b9rsbWd2dg0wgtPjp9rewSnmheiZRSp_YZZaFKzBSecPM7LXMInpJ_J3iPpVeypoQKAkXtdUyT2w2BS_HRCrmWffm4R3L191dd2Bkuko8VEq1OeN4ci-AuopBihiXsUXA/s2048/272B6B6A-9D59-48E9-B252-0BE18EAACD40.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1TCS9AUA8tt_b9rsbWd2dg0wgtPjp9rewSnmheiZRSp_YZZaFKzBSecPM7LXMInpJ_J3iPpVeypoQKAkXtdUyT2w2BS_HRCrmWffm4R3L191dd2Bkuko8VEq1OeN4ci-AuopBihiXsUXA/w360-h640/272B6B6A-9D59-48E9-B252-0BE18EAACD40.JPG" width="360" /></a></div></div></div><p>We finally made it to the 28 week scan after what felt like an age, and we were so relieved to find that the kidney issue had resolved itself. Everything else still looked good too, so much so that our consultant felt comfortable to discharge us from her care and for the rest of the pregnancy to be handled by the midwives. It was such a relief. Getting to that point, through all the worry, the triggers from Rohan's pregnancy, the decisions, the not knowing. It all really took it's toll, and thankfully I was referred to the psychology team to help me manage my feelings for the rest of the pregnancy. I did still feel a lot of anxiety and was also gearing myself up for the birth and the final reassurance once she was here that everything looked ok. I wasn't worried about the birth itself, Rohan's had been a pretty positive experience, I was worried about the after and all the triggers of what happened after Rohan's birth and what we'd had taken away from us. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwv56hbcCBH0v3mz2oDD1TXqJ7cQbvAgzZu4ZnxXA0gt5DYNmlwL1EBVdesF9GvIiJ48RdtXTQJayefSbtN69ABFBEx4n0PGp9E8aQbj7DLq_Fnt60PU9BeVbYihpTlb9VMLSOnNifTtpt/s1600/47c7bff8-8f75-40a8-895c-5baa33ac3466.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwv56hbcCBH0v3mz2oDD1TXqJ7cQbvAgzZu4ZnxXA0gt5DYNmlwL1EBVdesF9GvIiJ48RdtXTQJayefSbtN69ABFBEx4n0PGp9E8aQbj7DLq_Fnt60PU9BeVbYihpTlb9VMLSOnNifTtpt/w400-h300/47c7bff8-8f75-40a8-895c-5baa33ac3466.JPG" width="400" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq5iE66o294zE_b3QG5YDmGzpOqFnrwR7u3x08nN8zcq21P4RxAKcUA-y2BTL2jEvqL3oXi5vGRU3IFioyUSGhN0ttsFNlOii470HILIHRl78zbJMAHN1nEcv1SQAWH2bYhadbMg7yvh7R/s2016/2d8b83e3-b33a-4fe9-9b49-ce8e1258821c.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="1512" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq5iE66o294zE_b3QG5YDmGzpOqFnrwR7u3x08nN8zcq21P4RxAKcUA-y2BTL2jEvqL3oXi5vGRU3IFioyUSGhN0ttsFNlOii470HILIHRl78zbJMAHN1nEcv1SQAWH2bYhadbMg7yvh7R/s16000/2d8b83e3-b33a-4fe9-9b49-ce8e1258821c.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzm8rxVxci-d7jKa0SEMZR5PzG8awikm8cMaWzsOuwieJft3QDyBIlZAKW9jcn4sZjaY5lUkNtKA3thYo5MxgcDXwol5JrXvHG5UlQVhDIMKeudj35PawYnztgLUWl3tzNL7zU15EabvVt/s2016/8125cc7b-29ea-4f3e-bb3c-ede97151daf9.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="1512" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzm8rxVxci-d7jKa0SEMZR5PzG8awikm8cMaWzsOuwieJft3QDyBIlZAKW9jcn4sZjaY5lUkNtKA3thYo5MxgcDXwol5JrXvHG5UlQVhDIMKeudj35PawYnztgLUWl3tzNL7zU15EabvVt/s16000/8125cc7b-29ea-4f3e-bb3c-ede97151daf9.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZHrDuW_4BoN-71nvR5yFO8UOFAaJCBbTCcI_-AJc8uxrp9Kr6zvu4Z7ltGDJEhodM_E71EOYrFc-48c9x4-Y1TnhElrYQ2zwV-as8U_82pDJ42gbozTHYJi4eLeQchiaMFwZxUR6cdrCs/s943/67235576-2E86-475C-9F25-2BC64A546E76.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="943" data-original-width="943" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZHrDuW_4BoN-71nvR5yFO8UOFAaJCBbTCcI_-AJc8uxrp9Kr6zvu4Z7ltGDJEhodM_E71EOYrFc-48c9x4-Y1TnhElrYQ2zwV-as8U_82pDJ42gbozTHYJi4eLeQchiaMFwZxUR6cdrCs/s16000/67235576-2E86-475C-9F25-2BC64A546E76.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5vyQ1gYyBWanVQ-9tRjAc37CSLYe50Q915S-A3foXDlNNAvwc8YlG1iLfZVmzXdU8jbN0IpSAWw04aZbJlXpNSkqhbP8UWYfzrMR6fwAj0VVP28iEBe-e7ICKgIpyHqG25fz09XsUBjkO/s1600/c780a707-0e38-4239-bda9-94381270688a.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5vyQ1gYyBWanVQ-9tRjAc37CSLYe50Q915S-A3foXDlNNAvwc8YlG1iLfZVmzXdU8jbN0IpSAWw04aZbJlXpNSkqhbP8UWYfzrMR6fwAj0VVP28iEBe-e7ICKgIpyHqG25fz09XsUBjkO/s16000/c780a707-0e38-4239-bda9-94381270688a.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">I didn't write down much to document much of this pregnancy this time around, I feared that if I wrote down what was happening or my fears of what could happen then it would come true, that by speaking them out loud would somehow manifest them. I think that perhaps I should've done though as this has always been a really good way of processing for me, of getting the harmful thoughts that were going round my head constantly out and a way to know that they are just thoughts. I know this is a pretty brief overview of what was a stressful pregnancy, perhaps I will find time to go back over the parts we found triggering and stressful in more depth at a later point, perhaps I still need to process it all but this is a start. This is the most open I've been about what happened so far.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrTrr_B6obs19GRirmhyphenhyphenb2b-3sk02l_AjrAmruLk9lOLVYoN6R2Wcl81L5sCwGaMnT8uDrNTtYVnGnkV7YCgPlmnUB7Ck4HK25IIG8YQ1osybslSNACpg9GKe5eyonq0PX2gxRFtXpBfGg/s1596/DSC07508.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1596" data-original-width="1067" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrTrr_B6obs19GRirmhyphenhyphenb2b-3sk02l_AjrAmruLk9lOLVYoN6R2Wcl81L5sCwGaMnT8uDrNTtYVnGnkV7YCgPlmnUB7Ck4HK25IIG8YQ1osybslSNACpg9GKe5eyonq0PX2gxRFtXpBfGg/s16000/DSC07508.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4jpCckrZZLHnj59GQh6ZZsAobSxQK4nFLD10qwLYm_W4fGB4DyeOtRmdxGmPRFnyMIm_3NjVqBukZ8mENlBzqrgbjiL9UaqKJZQrnHUrK67_06pZGGfZNQVZ9Bm0qwnff5c1fL1Zhi0Yy/s1566/DSC07510.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; 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margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1541" data-original-width="1030" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyn3VpaX8ZIrePb3svOfqg7VsB40wCY0IVUB6ZfZVneQ7w85QMVX9ng4baW9Xh5LdHu6-11kLyzR_GtZbRSWSHkVkJ8kP2UeTbtwQK8FJgPr_X6XR3r_vBM1Kpgi_n3poF170WXKP_HlQw/s16000/DSC07520.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV-bDXKiF0V9ng965B5R4rxJgtkxCouu-bes-HMF4sj92LcKV6ZGFJsQK8SVvF3PHbCZ2p0ZsjEwGbj8pNvylRt_Bioh5n8wnWD4yoDvfL0aoYVYOD8Rzu4eYDouT7fer-v_0PKDPD8-AE/s1616/DSC07523.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1616" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV-bDXKiF0V9ng965B5R4rxJgtkxCouu-bes-HMF4sj92LcKV6ZGFJsQK8SVvF3PHbCZ2p0ZsjEwGbj8pNvylRt_Bioh5n8wnWD4yoDvfL0aoYVYOD8Rzu4eYDouT7fer-v_0PKDPD8-AE/s16000/DSC07523.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLR0syIStXOaLaxWKrG8WSqtKwDyLp3yi4KUKYSczSMKWm2nQrseh-vO032acsuFybxh98i3O4wQLy6uBVuh_3oeUeYkUj8IoXOFmV7rjDYwoINzMPlEXjuZmip02lsd3AUgXXBhma6gTY/s1616/DSC07527.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1616" data-original-width="1080" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLR0syIStXOaLaxWKrG8WSqtKwDyLp3yi4KUKYSczSMKWm2nQrseh-vO032acsuFybxh98i3O4wQLy6uBVuh_3oeUeYkUj8IoXOFmV7rjDYwoINzMPlEXjuZmip02lsd3AUgXXBhma6gTY/s16000/DSC07527.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBkXWZJBxNcb3keLhiZieMYmb47fcEJl_S6pTMX8u1Gd7eY3_0oOz7UMcEX6BTgWiqD4lzb4nlXbKhJf2ae4YJUHoggsAbKlX9QktG1QQPQh0mX_nINduXfacSPEVU59mMe91Te0jWKoJV/s1456/e43302ab-619a-44af-a94a-56be1efd9b3e.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1456" data-original-width="1092" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBkXWZJBxNcb3keLhiZieMYmb47fcEJl_S6pTMX8u1Gd7eY3_0oOz7UMcEX6BTgWiqD4lzb4nlXbKhJf2ae4YJUHoggsAbKlX9QktG1QQPQh0mX_nINduXfacSPEVU59mMe91Te0jWKoJV/s16000/e43302ab-619a-44af-a94a-56be1efd9b3e.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnj3Yo13LNoHl68jgyJ3UVsLqN7CeeRE_mce5nb-Qy1J6SSq6mm-giRAotfq0h1OUhlrJh2GqdPy7uq4zE4EHIX7ZklWoyxpKmzf6PcSZTKsB5KcmtxQsgR-zOBz9Jvq3bNcRa32K5nzjK/s1600/f778d8d6-a677-4d12-9dd5-5ff6438e3e96.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnj3Yo13LNoHl68jgyJ3UVsLqN7CeeRE_mce5nb-Qy1J6SSq6mm-giRAotfq0h1OUhlrJh2GqdPy7uq4zE4EHIX7ZklWoyxpKmzf6PcSZTKsB5KcmtxQsgR-zOBz9Jvq3bNcRa32K5nzjK/s16000/f778d8d6-a677-4d12-9dd5-5ff6438e3e96.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrZAxoPQj4eEbzCi_RSb6Ahnd-3_76v8i7Cy8tvU7M-BzGyRWN9mKa1tx3xLoRfaKyKLB_x3dX8YI5XdPvY1LrrlGOffermcAvmIrboyrWrYwEYhCsypM4AJYT6yq-2bYx_Gl8tiJXuPHS/s2048/IMG_0898.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrZAxoPQj4eEbzCi_RSb6Ahnd-3_76v8i7Cy8tvU7M-BzGyRWN9mKa1tx3xLoRfaKyKLB_x3dX8YI5XdPvY1LrrlGOffermcAvmIrboyrWrYwEYhCsypM4AJYT6yq-2bYx_Gl8tiJXuPHS/s16000/IMG_0898.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicenjhPXkETx-rMdMNtFJ5B6PHF2hJuPV7jpIh_rI45Vp5MeRcjLjdQMt6pQEnrBzvYK2LMPAc8hlyL2SZQadjk15718VvsbtAGWuJ2lLJZWWx5Dkadzk3mhfOxbHyms3bcP-B6XSddadq/s2048/IMG_2301.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicenjhPXkETx-rMdMNtFJ5B6PHF2hJuPV7jpIh_rI45Vp5MeRcjLjdQMt6pQEnrBzvYK2LMPAc8hlyL2SZQadjk15718VvsbtAGWuJ2lLJZWWx5Dkadzk3mhfOxbHyms3bcP-B6XSddadq/s16000/IMG_2301.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5ezjJasM2hIp8ElOdWFpJyY8E8VVBW50sApmBh2Q_6Kp2w_MtTV7LRA6Y1o9z37uTJYBUcVXHBGiVjcMeuyNx55e7lqGDfpwCPmfXvL51ozyCUNdM8nhElDoINeQvC1vKysZO0pSqGl-4/s2048/IMG_2302.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5ezjJasM2hIp8ElOdWFpJyY8E8VVBW50sApmBh2Q_6Kp2w_MtTV7LRA6Y1o9z37uTJYBUcVXHBGiVjcMeuyNx55e7lqGDfpwCPmfXvL51ozyCUNdM8nhElDoINeQvC1vKysZO0pSqGl-4/s16000/IMG_2302.JPG" /></a></div><p>As the rest of the pregnancy went on I did feel excited to meet this little person growing inside of me, I felt more appreciation for what my body was doing and how it was changing, I wanted to celebrate that too. We knew that our lives were about to be very different once again but I couldn't quite let myself imagine what it would be like. Things last time with Rohan were so different once he was here, the weeks spent in hospital, all the equipment we had to come home with, the worry and all the appointments. Things were so different. The only reference to newborn days were those that we'd had with Theo, ten years ago and I was worried that I wouldn't remember what to do. I also felt guilty for the feelings we had after Rohan was born, of not wanting that experience again, which made me feel bad for Rohan. I actually had a wonderful therapy experience with my friend, who took me through something called rewind therapy where you go through a series of events in deep relaxation and let your body and mind recall the feelings. It was a really powerful experience, and I wrote a post about it <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CRW9w5GM60x/?utm_medium=copy_link">here</a>. I think it really helped to process a lot of those feelings that I had left buried deep within me surrounding Rohan's birth and journey afterwards. </p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTy-zp3nK6dN6giIDb_EvowVl4StYrR8o_K613UR0UH3j3HihE9WMAbJeStc_08YCCEjnnhIG5Fo8fvFsix7_FSlbOc5F9lYZyxgr0qKsyPDYcXP7cHTJLXcI8AKDoLXwNjmNVl7AO2NYD/s2048/1E078676-F313-436C-8B0C-793DA72B767E.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTy-zp3nK6dN6giIDb_EvowVl4StYrR8o_K613UR0UH3j3HihE9WMAbJeStc_08YCCEjnnhIG5Fo8fvFsix7_FSlbOc5F9lYZyxgr0qKsyPDYcXP7cHTJLXcI8AKDoLXwNjmNVl7AO2NYD/s16000/1E078676-F313-436C-8B0C-793DA72B767E.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmPv7jlgTHYuA6wlb0qcp0r4yMI2ezko4pesk2mXCEQ9yEQepA_v-brbl-4Ub2O0-q-Ts4PRSpv4zRhvRXVlWQX0WIYOYk6Wj3M5unuDNHsls7i78D3mYHG7ZGwXVp76y4CteiGrhyuR4Q/s2048/IMG_2649.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmPv7jlgTHYuA6wlb0qcp0r4yMI2ezko4pesk2mXCEQ9yEQepA_v-brbl-4Ub2O0-q-Ts4PRSpv4zRhvRXVlWQX0WIYOYk6Wj3M5unuDNHsls7i78D3mYHG7ZGwXVp76y4CteiGrhyuR4Q/s16000/IMG_2649.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicUkbi_95UTHgYfCHgqGtz3wVWyvFQK5rbRTNAV3bf0TyfSBA51HPOUtm2TGvieOFAmYUI7hSIebMzFmxaC7P2WQG8xcH9nd13OrByYA2anFzIAyptWdkSp9ekZz6kEYDJUpQ6_HZbdcW8/s2048/IMG_2636.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1539" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicUkbi_95UTHgYfCHgqGtz3wVWyvFQK5rbRTNAV3bf0TyfSBA51HPOUtm2TGvieOFAmYUI7hSIebMzFmxaC7P2WQG8xcH9nd13OrByYA2anFzIAyptWdkSp9ekZz6kEYDJUpQ6_HZbdcW8/s16000/IMG_2636.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKqp2FDG9LnHQJk-cd0FRS5QOZdStYUR6cHuXpgdNkRxlvK8L1RNHg-WNQQco3FBlp8pZVZnukuFMHlc7mKyiI_4XZd7CafdBFont4aP-a72pSNAKqw3lg2xp6lPHKKB_wSdWTyS-rjnCL/s2048/IMG_2733.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKqp2FDG9LnHQJk-cd0FRS5QOZdStYUR6cHuXpgdNkRxlvK8L1RNHg-WNQQco3FBlp8pZVZnukuFMHlc7mKyiI_4XZd7CafdBFont4aP-a72pSNAKqw3lg2xp6lPHKKB_wSdWTyS-rjnCL/s16000/IMG_2733.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhjADrU-uavC-997sOEI-NA40YbHpXw5e1GGFgtzCBcKbCfYCrw7-0Ohq81HmrIY_RMzL63UmtgtDVbOPnIyXhb1I2pr2FuagH0x9wmABtHw4sY2zBlW8AtEYs-6bfV7qMRRm8OC3LDWSB/s2048/IMG_2495.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhjADrU-uavC-997sOEI-NA40YbHpXw5e1GGFgtzCBcKbCfYCrw7-0Ohq81HmrIY_RMzL63UmtgtDVbOPnIyXhb1I2pr2FuagH0x9wmABtHw4sY2zBlW8AtEYs-6bfV7qMRRm8OC3LDWSB/s16000/IMG_2495.HEIC" /></a></p>The final weeks of pregnancy finally rolled around, during the start of the summer holidays no less, which was exhausting to say the least! There was a heatwave too which wasn't fun and rising covid cases meant we didn't venture far from home at all. Full term arrived and we waited...<p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBlxnK9tbSkURL8GyO24cXAJaXTSWWzbzXO7wxEdcKjn9PsmGJIANZqJ8TwHOMoZgeumUdXDydBfTwOxoLcFR9kbBOa-ouHOY_nIQ1OR-4WkTO1Cno5XL_dPQ-BrE0D0e-mIDY5O_Aahd_/s2048/IMG_2780.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="1818" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBlxnK9tbSkURL8GyO24cXAJaXTSWWzbzXO7wxEdcKjn9PsmGJIANZqJ8TwHOMoZgeumUdXDydBfTwOxoLcFR9kbBOa-ouHOY_nIQ1OR-4WkTO1Cno5XL_dPQ-BrE0D0e-mIDY5O_Aahd_/w1364-h1818/IMG_2780.JPG" width="1364" /></a></div>I can't believe I didn't document any of my pregnancy here but I'm hoping that I'll still be able to look back at this post and remember. It's such a gift to be able to read back over the years and whilst things on the internet have definitely changed I'll always be glad of this space for documenting our lives. <p></p>abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-16602947257914255542021-08-28T16:52:00.004+01:002021-08-28T16:52:33.582+01:00The end of the Summer <p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDBRYIwHNyRjRIVKaNp1wJk_d2FcPCokwDtN6EeJTOmVvcvqPqRs_JKlXgqOsum2FO91W6_0_Z8hVYXtFEWQjb__rjdL_EnJeIFEWdvKKvEaaESsaQiIEmiR0qkgGK57PtrzLhi10j3PFw/s2048/R98A0494.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDBRYIwHNyRjRIVKaNp1wJk_d2FcPCokwDtN6EeJTOmVvcvqPqRs_JKlXgqOsum2FO91W6_0_Z8hVYXtFEWQjb__rjdL_EnJeIFEWdvKKvEaaESsaQiIEmiR0qkgGK57PtrzLhi10j3PFw/s16000/R98A0494.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-53243168792605311622020-04-13T20:49:00.000+01:002020-04-13T20:49:13.524+01:00New normals <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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So it's been a minute since I was here last hasn't it? So much has happened since January and it feels like we're still in the middle of it all. We're surviving but the battle is on going.<br />
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Rohan had his original heart surgery the day after he turned four, we'd built ourselves up for this especially since it was cancelled in December. We were prepared for the two plus weeks it would take us being in hospital but we thought that would be, we'd endure it then come out the other side healed and home. But that didn't happen. Since then we've been battling fluid building up around his heart and having to undergo 6 more surgeries to try and fix it. Nothing so far has worked. He's had 8 general anaesthetics this year, we've been discharged 3 times and spent just under two weeks at home each time, he's had one CT scan, one PIC line put in and then removed, countless chest X-rays, echos, blood tests, swabs lots of new drugs started including an immuno suppressant that we had to inject daily. None of it has stopped the fluid coming back and no-one knows what's causing it.<br />
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After his first main surgery everyone was so pleased with his progress, that was until the tried to extubate him on the evening of his surgery which didn't go to plan. He stopped breathing. They had to reintubate him and he remained on that for a day or so, sedated but fairly stable. He finally was strong enough for them to try again and this time it was successful, he tolerated it well and was happy on his C-pap all the time until eventually he was weaned off to his home settings of just when he was asleep. All so positive. We moved out of PICU onto the cardiac ward and he was doing well until suddenly he wasn't. He started to work really hard with his breathing and was then moved back down to PICU where he was put on bipap and they discovered the buildup of fluid. None of this was a shock, pericardium effusions can be a normal side effect of open heart surgery. We were called at midnight to tell us they'd moved him and to expect surgery early that morning for a drain. Another consent form to sign, another GA. It all went well and we spent another few days on PICU before being moved up to cardiac again. This time he seemed so much better than the last but the fluid was starting to build up slowly once again, they weren't too worried at this point and we were allowed to go home after a little while to celebrate Theo's birthday all together at home. Rohan and I still had to travel back every two days after we were discharged for echos to check on the fluid, so home but not quite home. (I think I'm being quite vague about all of this because it's one of those things I think I've put away somewhere in my mind and I'll deal with the trauma of it later, because it's all a bit raw still.)<br />
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After a week of being at home Rohan started to go downhill again, he wasn't himself, he was cold and lethargic, and when we took him in for an echo they decided that actually yes, he needed another drain - that evening. And so he did. Another consent another GA. Suddenly it all started to become normal. This has continued since then. We've had various inputs by different teams, tests, theories but it has left so many of them scratching their heads.<br />
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Rohan's spent more time in hospital this year than he has out of it. He's had more GA's in four months that I've had in my whole life and yet we have to carry on. We have to agree to what they want to do so that he can get better. This was before the whole pandemic hit, when coming home felt safe. Now we know that coming home could be dangerous to him as he's extremely vunerable.<br />
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I've been sharing our journey on instagram as we go along, trying my hardest to stay positive about it all, but really sometimes it all just sinks in and I just question when did it all become so normal? When did it become normal to sign countless consent forms where the outcome of each surgery could be death and to not be fazed by that? When did it become so normal to inject our child with a drug to lower his immune system during a global pandemic knowing that by doing so we're increasing his risk. When did it become normal to spend months in hospital, sometimes quarantined to our room, unable to leave the hospital and just pop to the shop. When did it become normal to not quite feel that dread of sending your child down to surgery and watch his body drift off into unconsciousness not knowing how he'll be when he wakes up. When was it ok to see your child stop breathing and his saturations drop dangerously low. When did it become so normal to see him asking them to stop hurting him whilst taking bloods or putting in cannulas and not being able to do anything about it. When did it become so normal to know that he's high risk and catching this virus could be devastating for his little body that as already been through so much. All this stuff scares me but not as much as the thought that I'm becoming complacent and used to it all. It's scary that this is becoming that way.<br />
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None of this is normal though and whilst I really just try and carry on and make it seem as ok as it can be, it really isn't. Our experience isn't like those of others, we don't have the same things to worry about, to moan about as other people and whilst I don't want pity I do want people to understand that they're lucky the won't ever have to hopefully experience even 5% of what we have been through. I know life is tough for us all, we're all experiencing such great trauma to our lives but somethings don't just stop because a pandemic is on. There's still more surgery, there's still more risks, there's still more times spent apart as a family, all wishing we could be back at home for good and appreciating the time we have together, the things we have that we're grateful for.<br />
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So for now I'm going to continue to carry on appreciating the things we have, like outside space, the ability to buy ourselves food, for Rob to still have work, for exciting things like new chickens, for Theo being healthy, for living in the countryside, for those evenings we have together. It's all a distraction but I've just got to embrace it. Until Rohan can come home and we can get through all of this.<br />
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Photos are all from January spent in hospital.<br />
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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-11434161906399412632020-01-29T17:13:00.000+00:002020-01-29T17:13:04.478+00:00The end of the year in pictures <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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So it's 2020 and it feels like so long ago already that we were saying goodbye to 2019. As ever though it's taken me a while to get round to looking back. The end of last year was a weird one, I felt half there mainly because of my accident and breaking my ankle meaning for most of October and November I couldn't really do very much at all. I was half there, hobbling around and attempting to get out and about and enjoy some time with all of us, but it was hard. Life sort of got put on hold, but by the time the end of November rolled around I felt a little more ready to brave the outside world! Our trips mainly consisted of park visits trying to soak up as much autumn-ness as we could manage, visiting family and completing some family traditions for halloween and Christmas!<br />
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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-55897733555897540122019-11-29T17:14:00.000+00:002019-11-29T17:14:11.189+00:00Preparing for heart surgery <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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It's finally come around, this great big looming beast of a thing that we've been avoiding for the past few years, well actually in fact since he was born. Last week after what we thought would be a routine cardiology appointment we found out that Rohan suddenly needs the big heart surgery they've been talking about. </div>
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We'd not seen Cardiology for coming up to nearly a year after a change in consultants and what I can imagine as Rohan falling slightly through the net, but after I rang round quite a few different departments chasing other appointments we got a new clinic date fairly swiftly. We've not noticed any change in Rohan's heart or symptoms from the outside but as his echo shows the problem that they've been waiting to get bad enough to have it repaired is now definitely bad enough...worse than they thought. So cue a lot of slightly panicked tests and an x-ray and we were down on the list to be discussed at the big consultant and surgeon meeting. </div>
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We then received the call on Friday to say that he's due for surgery on the 4th December. And all of a sudden it's very real. </div>
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My mind has already done that thing though where I've switched off the emotional response to it all and have gone to practical and reasoning about it all. Like it knows we've just got to get through these next few weeks and that I know it's going to be difficult and scary and heartbreaking to see him go through such a massive procedure and recovery but we know it's got to happen all the same. It's like getting on an uncomfortable bus knowing you've got to endure a long journey with no option to get off or wait for another, but hopefully the journey will be worth it. I'm hoping that the end result and final destination will put us in a better place, one where there's not this looming dread always at the back of our minds, that it will buy us a few more years without any other major surgery. We know it's got to be done but we also know it's going to be horrible. </div>
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I just feel so sad for him, for not being able to understand what's going to happen to him, why he'll be in a lot of pain afterwards, why he has to be in hospital. He's so unaware of all that is going on and it makes me feel terrible that next week we'll be walking him into hospital knowing that his little body is about to endure this huge thing. </div>
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I also feel sad for Theo, that this month, this fun and magical build up to Christmas is going to changed so dramatically. We're not going to be around, we won't be able to do a lot of the fun things all together that we usually do and I'm sad that this may be one of the last years where he fully believes in Christmas and I'm worried that we'll miss it. If all goes well we should be out before Christmas so we can still enjoy the actual day together, but for me it's the build up that is most exciting and I hate that this year it's going to be tainted and disrupted. I know in the grand scheme of things this surgery is more important than Christmas and this is just the way it is, but I feel like I'm constantly battling with this notion of Theo growing up so fast and rapidly approaching this time of when he's not such an innocent kid anymore and the magic of it all slowly disappearing. </div>
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I know in reality it's just a few weeks, but when you're in hospital time stretches and warps and 10 days feels like a month, and things always have a funny habit of taking longer than they should. But I guess we just know we have to get through it, we will get home, he will be better and will recover and we just have to trust that he's going to be in the very best hands. We're all hoping that we will be out before Christmas. </div>
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I don't think I'll really let it sink in or let myself overwhelmed by what's about to happen, I'll probably do the same and bury the trauma of it all deep down until it's ready to come up again because this little boy, and Theo too will need us in these next few weeks. So it's survival mode on. (I can tell by the way I'm writing that I'm already braced and robotic about what's about to happen, but at least I'm aware of it this time right? That's a bit of progress)</div>
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I also wanted to try and get a few photos of Rohan's little body before he's left with a big scar right down the middle. The before. I just feel sad for him, that he has no idea. </div>
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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-59025436073656549122019-11-11T14:02:00.002+00:002019-11-11T19:35:34.096+00:00Holland Part two: Amsterdam<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Oh Amsterdam, it's been quite a while since I thought about our trip there back in June but as the year is drawing to a close I thought it would be nice to have a little reminisce and share some of our favourite parts. I'd love to go back, especially at this time of year too, maybe one day!<br />
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We visited the city as part of our holiday with <a href="https://www.eurocamp.co.uk/">Eurocamp</a> staying at <a href="https://www.eurocamp.co.uk/campsites/holland/hl012-duinrell/ataglance.html">Duirnell Campsite</a> located about 40 minutes drive away from Amsterdam. You can read all about our experience of the campsite <a href="http://abigailandthefuture.blogspot.com/2019/07/summer-holiday-to-holland-with-eurocamp.html">here!</a><br />
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Amsterdam is one of those places that I know I've wanted to visit for a long time (up there with Porto and Paris!) but looking to stay as a family of four was really expensive so it's never really been attainable for us but this is one of the main reasons we chose to go here with Eurocamp this year. It felt like it was the best of both worlds, being able to enjoy being at a campsite with great facilities and being able to travel easily and quickly to a great city and wander round exploring it.<br />
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We decided to go into the city on our third full day of the holiday after we'd had a good chance to explore the park and lots of the activities there, we didn't make too much of a plan but did ask for recommendations on instagram. We knew really we just wanted to do a bit of exploring, to take in the feel and atmosphere of the place and just have a relaxed day without too much to do or rushing around.<br />
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We drove into the outskirts of the city where we parked at the <a href="https://www.iamsterdam.com/en/plan-your-trip/getting-around/parking/park-and-ride">Olympic Stadium park and ride</a>, where we could then get the tram into the city centre. It cost us only 7 euros to park all day and a return tram ticket for all four of us. You could obviously purchase extra tram trips but actually because it's so easy to walk around the centre and between the places you want to get to we didn't feel the need to. You can also get off and on the tram wherever you like, meaning we didn't have to worry about making it back to a certain point to get to the car, we just needed to make sure we could get the right tram from where we were!<br />
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After some tips from some lovely followers who live in Amsterdam (including lots of great ideas from Frankie at <a href="https://www.asthebirdfliesblog.com/">As the bird flies</a>) we decided to get off the tram before we reached the centre and wandered around the De Pijp area, crossing over those famous bridges and canals that are so symbolic of this beautiful city. I was just so excited to see those picturesque houses lining the canal side, with side streets filled with blooms and bikes everywhere. We made our way through the <a href="https://www.iamsterdam.com/en/about-amsterdam/amsterdam-neighbourhoods/centre/9-streets">Nine Streets </a> checking out lots of the lovely shops lining the streets and lusting over so many lovely things we couldn't afford! We stopped to try a Stroepwaffle, of course, before continuing our walking tour of the backstreets. It was just so entertaining walking around, taking in all of the architecture, stopping for photos and snacks. We found beautiful children's toy shops, clothes shops, cafes and vintage shops all before making our way to <a href="https://www.iamsterdam.com/en/see-and-do/things-to-do/attractions-and-sights/de-hallen-amsterdam">De Hallen</a> in search of lunch after all of our walking!<br />
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De Hallen is an amazing space with galleries, a cinema, an indoor craft market and so many beautiful independent shops as well as what we came for, the food hall, all transforming an old tram depot. The food hall was just so impressive and we toured round trying to decide what we all wanted to eat. Theo went for a pizza, Rob had a Moroccan mezze and I had a vegan burrito. All were so delicious and writing about them now just makes me wish we could go back immediately!<br />
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After we filled up and rested a little we looked around the De Hallen a little more before heading over to the <a href="https://www.iamsterdam.com/en/see-and-do/things-to-do/nature/overview/vondelpark">VondelPark </a>. We were so lucky with the weather that day so it was enjoyable and easy to just walk around soaking it all up. We sat for quite a while in the park, playing a game Theo had picked up at a toy shop and people watching. I just loved how easy it was to get around everywhere, especially walking with a pushchair, being able to be close to the canals and stop to watch the passing boats, look at the interesting houses and really get a feel for the place.<br />
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After our wander around the park we walked towards the centre and watched the storm clouds forming and decided that we should make our way home after a full day of walking. We managed to stop in a few more shops for a browse, including stopping at the wonderful <a href="http://www.bigenbelg.nl/">Bigenbelg</a> in De Pijp on our way back.<br />
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We couldn't really believe how quickly the day had gone, but we felt now that we had a better idea of the layout and feel of the city, that coming back another day would be really easy (considering how well the park and ride worked out) to do some of the other things we wanted to see.<br />
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Part two coming soon!<br />
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Here's a little video I made of our visit to Amsterdam! Take me back!<br />
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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-89968768880997139072019-10-07T10:54:00.000+01:002019-11-06T14:08:06.905+00:00September, September<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Why do I always find this month so difficult?<br />
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I wait for it with bated breath, watching for what it will bring and this year it feels as though all the pressure is there. I always used to love this time of year, but the past few years has slightly tainted it for me, with all that has happened around this time. I long for the Summer to be over, for the turn of the season but in reality I find it hard. I feel a little bit like that pressure is about to boil over and I'm doing my best to keep a lid on it all, but in reality I feel like I'm struggling.<br />
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This year the start of school has kind of knocked it out of me. All those little four year olds starting school being a huge big reminder that the baby we lost would have been one of them. It's still there in the back of my mind every time I saw a first day of school post, those fresh uniforms, those hands holding tightly in the playground, emotional parents trying to hold it together...a constant reminder of what could have been. As the years have gone on things around the miscarriage has become a little easier, but as this time of year rolls around I am always reminded of what we lost that September and this year it's even more poignant. Even more of a blow to the chest. I've tried to move on from it and have at least a little made some peace with it, but it at these times when you half don't expect it but half know it's coming around the corner that get me the most. It's like a little test to see if those wounds are still there. They are.<br />
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Add that to not a particularly smooth or straight forward start for Theo and a whole lot of admin for Rohan. I'm very aware that we've only got one year left before Rohan himself starts school, but that's a whole other point I'll get to in a bit. Theo has always not had the easiest time in school and perhaps it's just an environment that is difficult for him, we've always tried our hardest to help him and get support if he needs it, but recently it's becoming more and more apparent that he needs more. I don't think the school are particularly helpful in this aspect but I also feel like there's more going on underneath the surface with Theo that we need to figure out what and how we best deal with it. Which is a hard pill to swallow. I feel like this may be just the start of our journey with him and how we deal best with whatever is going on but it's all sometimes one thing too many. Especially at this time of year.<br />
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It just feels like things are non stop, full steam ahead with no let up. I can't quite seem to get the balance right at the moment either. I feel like I'm being stretched thin and can't quite do one thing well enough. We're in the process of starting to look for preschools for Rohan for January, as well as start looking for schools for him for next September too. For that I need to do his Education health care plan (EHCP) and have just had so much mental load with all of that, plus normal back to school/nursery admin and routine change. I've been trying to manage it all, to use exercise to give me some mental relief and space, but my body decided it was too much and I just feel a little overwhelmed if I'm honest.<br />
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We're having to look at preschools at the same time as thinking of what school we will send Rohan to, which is a massive decision. It's also so hard because we have no idea where he'll be in a years time and what support he'll need. I don't know whether him going to a mainstream school is the best idea (I think we've ruled out Theo's current school as an option for a variety of reasons) but I also don't know if being full time in a supported school is the best either. I basically need someone to tell me what to do because I'm pretty out of my depth here. I know we need to make the best decision for Rohan, where he'll be happiest, where he'll thrive and develop and where he'll be supported. I know picking a school is a hard task for everyone but from experience with Theo I know this will be a lot harder than just going to the open evenings of the schools in our catchment area and picking the one that ticks most boxes and feels right. We've got no experience of this sort of thing, we have no view into how Rohan's future will look and how he'll react in the new environment that we'll pick for him. I know that any decision that we make isn't permanent, that it will be a constant thing that can be reassessed as Rohan's needs change but for now it feels like a very weighted decision.<br />
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It's hard also to have these conversations with other parents, especially the ones living in my village or with kids the same age as him as I know that when they say "oh they'll be in the same class" that it's unlikely that it will happen, but it's a whole conversation and a lot to feel like I have to go into and explain. I know that once again I'm probably building it up to more than it is, and actually all I could say is that we're looking into all the options for Rohan and we're not sure the local school is the best fit for him and everyone would be very understanding I'm sure, but it's just that reminder again that things aren't as straight forward for us and there's just so many more things to think about.<br />
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I'm also so aware that actually we do only have a year left with Rohan at home, before he becomes a big school boy and that fact to me just feels a little crazy. He definitely doesn't seem old enough to be going to school soon, and in fact is one of those things that I just can't picture him when thinking about him joining in with other children in his class. They'll be learning how to read and write and he can't even speak or walk at this point and we have no idea where he'll be in a year. I know that if we do choose to send him to a mainstream school he'll have a one to one and his own curriculum and goals but it would be pretty hard to not compare him to the other kids. I also have no idea how he'd deal socially with other kids and navigate things like play time and lunch time. The thing is though, is that he does thrive being around other 'typical' children. He likes to watch a lot of the time but I think he takes so much in and we really want him to be motivated and challenged to join in and develop. So that's one argument. I also think it's a great opportunity for a mainstream school to have an example of diversity and for children to be exposed to and learn about differences (and similarities!) of all children and their needs, but I guess it's hard to realise that you are that example. So there's a lot of big decisions to be made and we have no idea what will be best for Rohan. I think by looking for a mainstream preschool for him to start in January will give us a good idea of how he copes in that sort of setting. We also have a few options with school, such as he could do a split placement at a specialist school and a mainstream, or we could start him in one place for the year or so and see how he copes and then integrate him in one way or another. Basically so many unknowns so many decisions based on assumptions and just a lot to take in.<br />
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I also am just a bit sad that those baby and toddler years are coming to an end. We'll have two children in school full time in a year. I don't know whether we'll have any more children and our experience this time around has certainly been very different to the first and how we imagined it would be, so it's sort of sad that all of a sudden we're here having to make these decisions so suddenly. It honestly feels like Rohan is a two year old and the thought of him being school age just scares me, like where have the past nearly four years gone? How is he this old already? A funny thing happens when you go into survival mode, time warps and disappears and I find it so difficult to recall those first couple of years of Rohan. Everything was a little fuzzy, a little stressed and also when blocking out difficult memories you also lose some of the good, just like a giant eraser of all that happened in that time.<br />
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I know that we'll hopefully make the right decision for Rohan and that thankfully things are a little more flexible and changeable for his schooling (hopefully!) and we can try and tailor his school to his needs as time goes on, but it just has felt so full on and non stop since the start of the month and I found it really hard to cope.<br />
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Now of course everything has come to a complete stop and our lives have been flipped upside down for a while as I broke my ankle last week. It felt almost like our lives were on a runaway train, with so many things building up and time moving faster and faster and more and more being added to the pile and not being in control of any of it, things were moving at lightening speed and the brakes were not really responding until of course something had to give, something that was carrying the weight of this ever moving train had to give and it did. It was me, well my ankle, pretty savagely too. I was playing netball, for my new league team something which I was so excited for. It was my first ever game for them and right at the end I just landed badly and that was it. It means I can't walk without crutches for at least 6 weeks, I can't drive, I can't do much at all. I've been in bed for pretty much a week and Rob has had to take over. Last week was a write off as I was still in hospital for three days recovering from surgery and then at home on strong pain killers making anything other that sleeping pretty difficult. It's been a massive hit for me and all of us really. Things are disrupted and all over the place, but I know it's perhaps the universes way of making things stop and slow down, saying I need to take care of myself and I can't carry all this weight on my own. I'm gutted though, it means I can't exercise, playing netball especially for months and months which is my time for me. I've had to put work on hold as I can't manage shoots meaning loosing money and momentum just when my business was doing pretty well and this is such a busy time of year for my business. It's all been pretty bitter pills to swallow (literally) and I'm finding it frustrating being forced to take a back seat. I don't do well not being in control and this is literally the most physical way you can make me not be in control.<br />
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This time of year is cursed. Always around our wedding anniversary, or like this year actually on it. I know it maybe all happens for a reason, I felt overwhelmed and like I was struggling before this happened, but I do feel like there is something up with September. I use to like you a lot, now I just wish it didn't exist and we could skip straight to October, because I like you a little more.<br />
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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-71801189009236393052019-09-15T19:56:00.000+01:002019-11-06T14:06:31.334+00:00#AD Camp Bestival 2019<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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As the end of the school year finally rolled around and we braced ourselves for the beginning of the long summer holidays I knew I had something up my sleeve to start it off with a chance to be free for a weekend, spend time as a family and have the boys imaginations filled. That's right, it was time for Camp Bestival once again! </div>
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After our first visit to the festival last year we were really eager to return as we just loved how easy going and fun it was. It really is a festival made for kids and the parents can go and have a pretty good time too, so a win for everyone! </div>
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We started off the festival by setting up our tent in the sweltering near 30ºc heat, in the accessible camping field, (which was same as last year was under the super supervision of Drew who is always so helpful!) We decided that in order to cool off we needed to go take a dip in the sea which is thankfully only about a ten minute car journey away. We visited Durdle door, which was pretty packed with tourists but by this point we were all too hot to care! It was such a great way to start the festival in a way! The evening saw us heading back to the camp, bellies full of fish and chips, seasalt on our skin and remarkably less hot. Theo and I then took the opportunity to go into the festival site for a wander round and take in all that was going on. It just felt so exciting to be back, walking around amongst so many other excited festival goers and just really getting eager for the weekend to kick off properly. </div>
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After a pretty good nights sleep and a bit of a lazy first morning in camp we all got up ready to explore. We headed for the lower kids field to see what we could find this year and stumbled upon a cardboard castle that everyone could have a go at painting and adding their own stamp to, which Rohan got very into! </div>
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We spent the rest of the morning pottering about the kids field, Theo had a go on the helter skelter, we played in the sandpit and wandered over to the science tent and caught one of their shows. We took a little picnic out with us for lunch and ate that whilst watching the bug circus show, which we remembered from last year and didn't disappoint again!<br />
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In the afternoon we decided to take a walk around the site again, visiting one of our favourite areas, The Dingly Dell in the woods and just generally soaking up the atmosphere as much as possible. We don't tend to spend a lot of time around the main stage as we prefer the quieter spaces with less people and freedom to move around a little more, but it is always fun walking through and catching bits of sets and have a little dance on the way through.<br />
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We decided to have a fairly early night on the Friday, as the boys both needed rest after a busy day!<br />
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On Saturday morning I made sure I got up and was out to attend a yoga session in the wellness area, and I'm always so pleased when I do. It's such a great way to take an hour of calm in the midst of a festival and have a bit of time to yourself. After I met up with the boys who had gone to explore the new area of the festival, Wild Tribe, and I think is a major contender for our favourite area! It was just far enough away, hidden down the hill away from the main site but packed full of fun things to do. First of all you can walk through the craft area and sign up for workshops, or head down to the bottom to the zip wire, skate ramp and the chance to have a go at adding to the giant boat structure.<br />
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Theo decided he'd like to have a go at the firelighting workshop and had so much fun! We caught a storytelling performance before being lured into the drumming tent much to Rohan's delight.<br />
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We then realised it was nearly time for Mr.Tumble on the main stage but unfortunately Rohan fell asleep on the way over and slept for the whole performance! We really were hoping he'd wake up especially as they sung lots of his favourite songs! I guess it was all just a bit too much!<br />
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After all the fun here we took a break back at the camp, Theo played with kids in the campsite and made a friend to hang out with. We decided to take a late afternoon stroll around a few of the areas we'd not yet visited this year catching some acts on the main stage, a samba band, performances and went to check out the food on offer in the Feast collective tent. There is honestly just so much to do and take in that just walking around it all feels like a full day out! Rohan had a late nap, lulled to sleep by the excellent rhythms and beats of the samba band.<br />
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Rohan doesn't always sleep too well at festivals as he really does better staying at home and having a proper sleep in the cot, but we had to take the naps where we could really. We did have his cpap machine to take around with us, but unfortunately forgot a vital tiny piece meaning we couldn't use it with the battery which would have made sleeping out and about a lot easier. It also meant it resulted in quite a few sick situations, as he is generally sick if he sleeps without his mask. In a way we're so used to it by now, but it does just add another element to going to festivals with kids, it's definitely easy to take for granted that your child can just sleep anywhere and will be fine to push the limits a little. With us we learn pretty quickly where those limits are and have to be really careful not to go too far. But saying that Rohan just did brilliantly, he just loved watching everything and taking it all in and not once did it all seem too much for him, which I'm thankful for. I want to carry on being able to show him as many experiences as possible. (As a side note we did take a little visit to the hospital tent onsite as Rohan had a nasty rash on his face around his mouth. We were a little worried as it didn't seem to go away after a day or so, but everything seemed fine and we concluded that perhaps it was just a heat rash and irritation from his C-pap mask. The doctors and staff were all great and really helpful though, which is good to know!)<br />
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We did attempt to go out and stay up a bit later on the Saturday night, and fortunately we managed to meet up with Theo's new friends (after a boogy to East 17!) and had some company for the evening, which is always lovely, especially when you just go as a small family and not really know anyone else or have a group to meet up with. We found a space at the main stage and watched a few acts, before calling it a night.<br />
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Sunday saw us back in the dingly dell for a play in the mud kitchens and the play park there, which is just the perfect antidote to late nights, busy areas and great for little explorers to get stuck in. </div>
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We really love this area as it always seems so magical and fun! I love it when Rohan can get involved with activities too as there's nothing he enjoys more than being able to potter around, watching and playing around other children. </div>
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Rob then took Rohan back to the tent for a nap, and began packing everything up as we planned to leave in the evening. A few hours later and we were all done, and made our way back to the Wild tribe area for a little more playing and drumming. </div>
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After this we headed to the upper kids field which was full of circus equipment, a theatre tent where we watched a great storytelling interactive show that was really funny. Theo had a go one all the crazy bikes, got the love for the diablo, had a go on the tightrope and had a pretty spectacular fall that I wish I'd captured on camera on the bouncy balls...let's just say it involved a run up, a jump and roll over the ball and ended in being head first in a bush!<br />
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Then suddenly the afternoon wore on and it was nearing the time that we had to leave to we decided to take one more stroll around the lower kids field, catching a bed time story with Rob Da Bank, a ride on the carousel, churros and a look in the camera obscura. We felt so sad to be leaving early, but knew it would be so good to be back in our own beds! But it was a shame to leave, and especially to miss the fireworks!<br />
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We had such a good time once again at the festival and I just can't believe how quickly it all went. We were so lucky with the weather as it stayed dry the whole time, but wasn't thankfully too hot. Just the perfect weather for exploring, chilling out on the grass, playing, watching performances and just generally having a great time. It really is such a wonderland for kids, and I would definitely recommend it to anyone hoping to ease themselves into taking kids of a festival. I can also see the appeal of taking kids that are older and able to stay up a little later in the evenings allowing the adults time to have fun too, but we just had a great time as it is. The music isn't also exactly to our taste so we didn't really feel like we were missing out on much for ourselves, other than tasting more food and experiencing more of the drinks on offer! Our experience will probably differ from quite a few, as we tend to seek out the quieter areas where you can be around nature a little more as opposed to seeing bands and performances. We are also able to experience the accessible side of the festival which is actually so brilliant, no wonder it seems to be the festival where families feel comfortable taking their children with additional needs over others as it's just so well catered for.<br />
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I'd just like to say that we were invited to the festival and gifted a ticket for me and discounted tickets for the rest of the family as a Camp Bestival blogger in return for coverage. All images, words and thoughts are my own.<br />
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Here's a little video of our time!<br />
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<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/qnzbcrDkm0c" width="560"></iframe></div>
abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-51536029601306738622019-08-11T08:17:00.000+01:002019-08-11T08:17:36.607+01:00Siblings and regret <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The other day whilst sat in the bath Theo asked me whether Rohan will always have his disability, it was said with pure curiosity and trying to work out how it would all look. We talked a while about it but the answer being yes, Rohan will always probably have some sort of disability. I explained that it's hard to know exactly what his and therefore our future will look like, that he'll hopefully walk fairly soon, that hopefully he'll be able to speak, that hopefully his medical needs won't always be so great, but that Rohan's life will more than likely be very different from Theo's as he gets older. I explained that Rohan's learning may always be delayed, that he may not be able to live an independent life that Theo will most likely be able to, or like me and daddy have. I said we don't know what will happen with science or Rohan's development so it's hard to know exactly how things will be. He said ok. I asked him if that was ok and how he felt about it and why he asked, and he just said he'd been thinking about it, that it was ok. Then we left it there.<br />
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I know he does understand and pick up so much of what goes on with Rohan. I overheard him explain to a friend he met at the festival that his brother has a disability and can't walk, but he (Theo) is ok with it, then he went on to show his friend his CPAP machine and explained that it helps him breathe when he's asleep and without it he might die. It was all very matter of fact but my heart just leaped when I heard him talk about it. He takes in so much, probably so much more than I realise, he has to live with it all just as much as we all do, adapt and deal with the changes and challenges that come with having a family member with additional needs. Not for the first time my heart broke a little for him.<br />
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I carry with me a lot of regret and sadness about how Theo's childhood has changed, how his adult life might always be affected, how final and fleeting his own childhood has been now that we seem to be racing towards those later, less somehow innocent years. That all on it's own is enough to make me feel so very sad, the fact that those years of him needing me so much, those years of our family being enough for him and spending all of his time with us is coming a little to an end. He already is more than happy to go spend the day or have a sleepover with his friend and I had a jolt of realisation a few weekends back that those years of spending free time together as a family, going on adventures and walks, playing at home are slowly going to be replaced by taking him places to go with his friends, dropping him at activities and generally slowly letting go and trusting him more on his own. I'm very much not ready for it and it brings a huge lump to my throat knowing that he's no longer my little boy who is at my side. Whilst I find it intense to parent Theo and our days and time together may not always be plain sailing (they're exhausting) I have that feeling that I need to soak it all up now. The fact that he still puts his hand in mine when we cross the road, that he still climbs into our bed when he's had a nightmare, or in the mornings for a cuddle. I feel I wish I had more time, to do it all over again, however hard I found it all.<br />
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I often think about how his childhood could have been different, how if we'd had another child sooner what his experience with a sibling could have been like. I hold onto this regret, this realisation that we can't change the past or what has happened and that this is it. This is Theo's childhood, his only one and that it most definitely didn't go the way I planned it to. I would have loved to give Theo a sibling earlier, to see them grow up together and share experiences and have that sibling bond I would have loved for him. Things happened to make it not that way and it's that out of controlness that I hate. The fact that we had a him young, that we needed to get in a place where our feet were on solid ground and a little more stable before bringing another child into the world. The fact that we tried and lost a baby, the fact that it took a while before getting pregnant again, the fact that that pregnancy ended in Rohan. It all adds up to time.<br />
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My own childhood and adulthood is made up of two great sibling bonds, friendships that are my closest out of anyone I know and the ones that will always be there, no matter what we all go through. I know that I'm lucky to have this, that through all we've been through together as a family and as individuals that we will always have each other. Maybe that adds to the feeling of regret, knowing that I couldn't give that to my own child. Sometimes I wish we could just magic up a middle child, one to fit perfectly between Theo and Rohan, whether that would ease my guilt and make things easier. The thing is I know this is all silly, I can't change the past and it's all happened for whatever reason.<br />
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I know also that I'm looking at it through rose tinted glasses as there's no guarantee that if we'd had a child sooner that they'd even have a close bond, that they'd get along, that our lives would be easier or different. But I think that's what makes me feel sad the most, it's the not knowing how it could have been. I'm not going to lie though, I find the school holidays the hardest. I see siblings all around us, having a mate, even if they don't get along all the time just having someone else to share things with. When we go on holiday, or like to the festival we went to recently I often wish that Theo could have a sibling he could share it all with, someone to go off and play together, to show each other new things, to talk, to experience and have that friendship and companionship that I had. Except he has a brother who will pinch and scratch him and not leave him alone when they're in the same room together making it impossible to do anything together. He can't talk to Rohan and share games or toys or experiences. It's like he's an only child but without the benefit of having our full attention.<br />
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All of this is not to say that Theo and Rohan don't have a relationship, because they do, and they love each other. I also know that this experience will hopefully give Theo something that other children won't have, a deep understanding of disability and understanding and championing that and who knows how he'll use that in the future. I've shared many times how Theo is Rohan's biggest cheerleader and always encouraging him so much and is over the moon when he makes progress. He really is a great big brother, there's no doubting that, I just wish perhaps that I'd been able to give him a sibling he could have more of a friendship and companionship with too.<br />
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I do also worry about the future, I wonder what will happen when we all get older, how our lives will look and what support we will all have. I'm scared about what will happen when we're gone, and whether Theo will have to take on responsibilities. I feel guilty that it would all fall on his shoulders and not have siblings to share that with. I know it's morbid to think this way, but it's a reality.<br />
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All of this really amounts to the fact that I feel so out of control about the whole situation. I hate that we can't change things, that we can't stop time, that things are the way they are and that's that. I don't know what the future holds for us all, I know it will work out one way or another but there's definitely a lot of guilt and regret hanging around that I still need to work through. </div>
abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-74137551471466350962019-07-24T15:46:00.000+01:002019-11-06T14:06:45.342+00:00Summer Holiday to Holland with Eurocamp #AD<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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June was that time of year where we set sail across the channel in search of a new place to spend a week essentially reliving my childhood memories by holidaying with <a href="https://www.eurocamp.co.uk/">Eurocamp</a>. This time though we went a little rogue and decided to go to Holland instead of France. We were heading for a week at <a href="https://www.eurocamp.co.uk/campsites/holland/hl012-duinrell/ataglance.html">Duirnell, Wassenaar</a> not far from Amsterdam and The Hague.<br />
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When we were little I had no idea what went into organising the family holiday each year, we were just told near the time that we were going away, cases were packed, we jammed ourselves into the car with our pillows and cuddly toys, ready for that years adventure. I have no idea whether we visited the same park twice or my parents booked a different one each time, but what I do know is that we pretty much always went to France, sometimes quite far down and it often involved the ferry from Dover and long car journeys with the French countryside rushing past the windows. I remember service stations at the side of the road with picnic benches and funny toilets, stocking up in huge hypermarches and the smell of pine trees. But we'd always arrive at the campsite excited and ready to explore, and the memories of those holidays even though they have all kind of merged into one, definitely stayed with me and I'm so excited to show the boys the same experience.<br />
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We've been away with Eurocamp for the past three years, the first year in Spain, the second when we collaborated them last year when we visited <a href="https://abigailandthefuture.blogspot.com/search/label/eurocamp">France</a> and this year we decided to take the plunge and visit somewhere completely different, <a href="https://www.eurocamp.co.uk/campsites/holland/hl012-duinrell/ataglance.html">Holland.</a><br />
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There were a few factors that made us choose this location, and that mainly being travel time and distance. Whilst we'd love to explore more of France it's very easy to under estimate how long it takes to get to different areas, especially those further down in the South. Rohan doesn't travel very well for long distances, so driving 6-8 hours a day wasn't really possible for us. So we looked around at France and the only parks that were a maximum of three hours drive was the <a href="https://www.eurocamp.co.uk/campsites/paris/pa012-la-croix-du-vieux-pont/ataglance.html">park</a> we visited last year, and whilst we loved that one we wanted to try something new. So se widened our search after realising that actually from Calais it's possible to drive straight up and into Holland in a few hours.<br />
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We've never been to Holland as a family so it was exciting to discover a new place altogether and do something a little different (for us!) We didn't really know what to expect, but went on the <a href="https://www.eurocamp.co.uk/campsites/holland/hl012-duinrell/ataglance.html">park</a> first and foremost because it looked like it offered everything we were looking for. It still made me feel a little anxious though and not knowing whether it would be the right sort of atmosphere and place for us, but I'm so glad we did as it definitely exceeded any of our expectations! I guess really it would have been good to read a real and honest review and like the one I'm about to write so you can get an insight into choosing the right park for you.<br />
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So other than the initial attraction of the driving distance of the park from Calais what attracted us most to the park was the fact it was set in a woodland area, that it had it's own<a href="https://www.duinrell.com/amusement-park"> theme park</a> on site and entry was included in our stay. It also has it's own <a href="https://www.duinrell.com/tiki-pool">huge water park complex</a>, which is an additional cost, but very reasonable and worth it. We also really liked that it was within easy driving distance of Amsterdam, meaning we could go in and out in one day with under an hour travel time (by car). It was also on the coast and there was a beach a short distance from the park, which in warmer weather would have been lovely to spend a few hours at. Whilst the park doesn't have any kids clubs we thought that actually there would be enough to do there without having Theo go off to an activity, but on the other hand it would be nice to give him the opportunity to go off and socialise with other children.<br />
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We were staying in the <a href="https://www.eurocamp.co.uk/accommodation/mobile-homes/avant-holiday-homes">Avant range of holiday homes</a>, which gave us three bedrooms, one shower room, a kitchen and living area with a large table and a big covered decking out the front with a table for outside eating. We've stayed in a few different styles over the years but I think this is my favourite layout. I liked that there was quite a lot of space in the the living area of the holiday home and the bedrooms whilst small (which you expect), felt like they had lots of storage space. All of the appliances were pretty modern and clean, the beds were also comfy which is a big factor! We did had to visit the reception again as the floor of our holiday home wasn't very clean (Rohan had been on it for about 5 minutes before his hands and feet were pretty covered!) but they did send someone round to clean it for us shortly after. We were also missing our BBQ which did take a day or so to turn up. Other than this we were really pleased with the service and had someone pop round to check everything was ok throughout the week, which was different from last year and we really appreciated it. I feel like we've been lucky that the accommodation we've stayed in has all been fairly new so in good condition.<br />
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So back to our stay, when we arrived and finally unpacked and sorted the evening was getting on so we decided to save the exploring for the next day after and just relax after a day of travelling. Theo and Rob headed off to the bar to watch the champions league final whilst I hung out with Rohan and got him settled into his new bedroom (not an easy task!) then enjoyed a glass of wine and a bit of time to myself! The holiday was perfect for sitting out on the decking enjoying the warm evening and surrounded by trees.<br />
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The next morning we all got ready for a little more exploring and more importantly to check out the water park. The weather was supposed to be really warm so we figured spending the day in water was a pretty good idea. Entry to the water park wasn't included with the stay, which is a little different from other Eurocamp parks we have stayed on previously, but once we got inside we realised why, as it was it's whole own big park, rather than a pool or two with a couple of slides. We opted for the whole day as we wanted enough time to explore as we didn't really know what to expect and I'm pretty glad we did as we ended up spending around 4 hours in the pool! We all had such a great time trying out all the different slides and pools that it had to offer and we were just blown away at how clean and well thought out the whole place was. There were lots of different areas for Rohan to play in and as the day went on his confidence just grew and grew. He went on a few little baby slides and just enjoyed floating around and all the pools, especially the ones for younger children were all really warm. There was such a great range of slides for all the family, including some pretty fast and scary ones that only the adults could go on! Theo is lucky as he's tall enough to go on most of the rides and our favourites were the ones you could go on together on a giant doughnut float - they were so much fun!<br />
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So after our waterpark adventure we headed back to the holiday home for lunch and a well earned nap for Rohan. Rob headed off to the supermarket in the nearby town to get some supplies whilst Theo and I hung out and played with the lego. When Rob returned we decided to have a little bit more of an explore around the site and get our bearings a little more. The whole site is really well laid out though, with a central park area just before that the Theme park and Aqua park are around. There's a main reception building, the shopping and restaurant complex which has a take away and snack bar, buffet style restaurant, supermarket and in the basement a large pub with a bowling alley, arcade games and lots of seating. We had a little look around all of these, played in the arcade and having a little pre dinner beer in the pub!<br />
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First of all we went for a walk around the Theme park, which closed at 6pm, but is still open to walk around. The whole site is set in a forest so it made for a pretty nice evening walk to take in the surroundings. We made our way back to the main park (which is less than 5 minutes walk from the holiday home) and played for quite a while, again marvelling at how brave and confident Rohan was. There was a good mix of things for younger and older children to enjoy. The one thing we did think about the park was that there wasn't particularly many areas where kids could go off and meet other children, we didn't really find any smaller parks or sports courts that kids could start games together, and that's one thing that we found a little lacking. From memory that's what I felt like we always quite enjoyed about Eurocamp, going off with our new friends and making up games on site. I think it would be great it you visited with a larger group of family or friends and then let your children go off that way. It did all feel very safe and well looked after though, so if Theo had met friends then I would've felt ok with letting him go to the park on his own. But then again I feel like there was so much to do on site that Theo never really expressed the need to go and meet other children and felt like he was having more than enough fun just with us!<br />
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Overall the whole site was just so well laid out, very clean and organised and it just felt like a pleasure to be there. The fact that the whole park was in a forest was just lovely as it felt natural, open and spacious.<br />
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After our exploring we headed home for a BBQ (in the rain!) and a sit on the decking with some beers in the evening. It was a pretty great start to our holiday!<br />
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I've made a little video of the first few days too!<br />
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<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/HU-_cm5Q4Ig" width="560"></iframe><br />
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Our accommodation and ferry crossing was gifted to us by Eurocamp in exchange for a review. All my thoughts, words and images are my own.<br />
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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-78327937241376845082019-06-16T20:04:00.000+01:002019-11-06T14:07:52.011+00:00Family adventures: The Forest of Dean part 2 | AD<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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(read part one <a href="http://abigailandthefuture.blogspot.com/2019/05/family-adventure-forest-of-dean-part.html">here</a>)<br />
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Sunday morning we all awoke to the sun filtering through the trees had a had another lazy breakfast before taking a little walk with the dog round the woodland trail right behind our cabin.<br />
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We followed the path through the woods, passed by runners on a morning jog and other dog walkers and spied yet more cabins nestled in amongst the trees. We had a little play and climb in a clearing before continuing on the loop that took us right round and back into the site. This is what I loved most about the Forest Holidays setting, that it was so easy just to step out the door and be immersed in the woods and nature.<br />
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Our plans for the day included a trip to the near by <a href="http://www.wyedeantourism.co.uk/discover/all/i-4564-Beechenhurst_Lodge_Vistor_Centre">Beechenhurst lodge</a> for a walk around and to have a go at the <a href="https://goape.co.uk/days-out/south-west/forest-of-dean/beechenhurst">Go Ape</a> they have on site there. Theo actually visited this place for his birthday back in January, where he and two friends and Rob travelled up just for the day to have a go, this is what originally inspired us to discover the Forest of Dean further! Seeing as Rob went last time Theo wanted me to join him, which I did thinking it would be easy but in actual fact I quickly realised that I'm not too keen on heights! This was actually only the kids trail, so I definitely wouldn't be able to do an adult one! Who knew that getting older meant that these fears suddenly creep in without you knowing?! Theo had a great time though, even though he was still a little hesitant - maybe he was picking up on my vibes! The staff were all really friendly and understanding that some people need a little more time and really tried their hardest to make you feel at ease! It definitely makes for a great place to take kids for a birthday or special occasion, or just something fun to do on a day out. Prices are £19 per person and you get an hour up in the trees and it is pretty fun (even if you are a bit afraid of heights!)<br />
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After having our fill of the heights we met back up with Rob and had a little lunch in the cafe on site and met up with my mum whilst we played in the park which was lovely for both the boys. We then went on a little walk around the grounds which has a sculpture trail and a mini 'Zog' trail for kids which you could purchase a little activity bag for for £3 in the cafe. Rohan had a little sleep whilst we navigated around and did the trail and the pup loped around having a whale of a time! There is a sculpture trail which we tried to follow in parts, but we either got a little lost or the sculptures were no longe there as we didn't see any which was a shame, but by this point the weather was just starting to turn so we decided to head back to the lodge for dinner.<br />
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We had bought ingredients for a BBQ and even though it was tipping it down we decided to have it anyway, but just eat inside, but if the weather had been nice there is a big table on the outside decking which would be perfect for sunny evenings eating surrounded by the forest. We of course had another dip in the hot tub, even in the rain!<br />
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On Monday it was time to pack up our lovely lodge and leave, even though we all agreed that we could have definitely stayed for a week and explore more! We were definitely sad to leave, so much so that we decided to stop off on the way home just to make the most of it, plus the weather was pretty lovely so it felt a shame to waste the day seeing as it only takes an hour to get home.<br />
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We stopped off at <a href="https://www.english-heritage.org.uk/visit/places/goodrich-castle/">Goodrich Castle</a> where we've been a few times before so we knew it was a good place to spend a few hours. It's set in a beautiful grounds and scenery and it's so interesting to read all about the history of the castle. Rohan had a little wander around whilst Theo and Rob climbed up the towers and we just soaked up the quiet morning!<br />
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We had an early picnic lunch back at the cafe and shop area before reluctantly heading back home. It really was such a great way to spend the weekend, and really made us have quality time as a family doing things we all really enjoy. I didn't really realise how easy it was to get to this area from Bristol, especially now that the bridge is toll free and there's just so much more to do here, so we'll definitely be back to explore further, next time even bringing our own bikes maybe!<br />
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Our trip was in collaboration with The Forest of Dean tourism board, our accommodation, travel and activities were gifted as part of the review but all words and images are my own. </div>
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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-5833130733379074092019-06-10T14:43:00.000+01:002019-06-10T14:43:17.733+01:00Easter adventures part two <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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We took our annual trip down to Teignmouth for the second part of the Easter holidays, me with the boys for most of the week with Rob joining us for the weekend. We were having our house decorated so we needed to be out the way for most of it but visiting Rob's grandparents and being by the sea is one of our favourite things to do so it really wasn't much hassle!<br />
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We timed it just right with the mini heatwave hitting at just the right time meaning we spent a few days down by the seafront, and Theo even went properly swimming! Rohan was still pretty apprehensive about the water, think he may be more of a warm med kind of boy!<br />
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This visit will be our last proper one to Teignmouth itself as Rob's grandparents are due to move to a nearby town in the Summer. Before I'd met Rob I'd never really been to this part of Devon, but it's safe to say that it's one of our favourite places to visit. We've been here so much over the past 9 years that it's crazy to think how much of our lives have changed. We've seen me visit right at the end of my pregnancy, through all of Theo's infant-hood to him staying down on his own like a big boy and to Rohan being born. We've had a visit to the hospital when he was pretty poorly and enjoyed introducing him to so much that we love here.<br />
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We've been on countless steam trains, played in the sea, eaten 10,569 ice creams, been to the zoo, museums, play parks, the aquarium, explored surrounding towns, visited all the charity shops, been to the cinema, had takeaways, eaten chips on the seafront, celebrated Easter's with woodland egg hunts, and most importantly have spent so many wonderful weeks with Rob's grandparents. I've always been made to feel so unbelievably welcome and like part of the family from the very beginning, and can just see how much joy visiting brings both the boys. We've all been throughly spoilt whenever we've visited and it just makes me feel so happy about the adventures and time we've spent down there. I know we'll be able to visit Teignmouth again when they move, as it's really not far and we have a new place to explore with them, but I just thought it deserved it's very own mention. I'm going to go and have a look through old posts now and probably cry at how much time has passed!<br />
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We of course also visited the pier and for the first time Rohan had a good old explore and just loved watching all of the lights and the machines, I think we may have to also get him addicted to 2p machines like the rest of us!<br />
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Then it was time for one last Easter egg hunt in the beautiful nature reserve just down the road from the house, it's been our place to go for the past three or four years and Theo is just about still believing! We had to tell him that the Easter bunny will move locations when they move and that also every child is assigned their very own bunny when they are born...not sure that one will really last!<br />
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Thanks Teignmouth x</div>
abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-28855020607302188682019-05-26T20:18:00.000+01:002019-05-26T20:28:45.642+01:00Family adventure: The Forest of Dean part one | #AD<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Last Friday we packed up our bags, picked everyone up from school and nursery ready to hit the road and drive the short distance from Somerset/Bristol to the<a href="http://www.wyedeantourism.co.uk/"> Forest of Dean</a>. It couldn't have come at a better time, Rob had been away all week for work, our weekends have been all over the place and it really felt like we needed to reconnect as a family. Planning holidays usually takes quite a bit of effort for us (like most families!) but we really have to consider travel time as Rohan doesn't do very well in the car for long distances, so travelling for just over an hour to somewhere we've not really explored before was perfect.<br />
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We had the whole weekend ahead of us to unwind, explore and spend time together all in a beautiful setting. Whilst even though it's so close we've not really properly explored this area before, more skirted around the edges whilst visiting my Mum, who lives not too far away in Malvern. It's always been one of those places I'd heard of but not realised that it was quite so close as it is!<br />
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We were lucky enough to be invited to spend the weekend at the <a href="https://www.forestholidays.co.uk/forest-of-dean/">Forest Holidays Park</a> near Coleford, which proved to be an excellent base for lots of exploring, as all of the places we visited were less than 15 minutes drive from here and there was so much to do. We were staying in a woodland cabin and realised that this meant it came with a hot tub, much to all of our excitement! I don't think we've ever quite been the family to holiday in places with hot tubs, or know anyone with one, so it was still a total novelty. The cabin itself was beautiful, with so much open space, floor to ceilings windows that perfectly framed the view of the forest behind. There was a wood burning stove, a fully equipped kitchen, and in our two bed cabin we had an en suite bathroom as well as a main with a bath. There was everything you'd need to stay a week or more! It definitely exceeded our expectations!<br />
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Once we'd settled in and unpacked we ordered some pizza from the main reception (which had it's own bar and cafe), to be delivered to our cabin so we could enjoy an evening in. We brought our own food too for the rest of the weekend, which really helps to keep costs down, but having one little treat on the first night was great. Once we'd settled Rohan into bed we enjoyed dinner, then hopped into the hot tub that had been warming up all day. It was a perfect way to unwind and really feel like we were on holiday, that and a glass or two of prosecco! </div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The next morning after a lazy breakfast we headed a short drive away (under 10 minutes) to </span><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://pedalabikeaway.co.uk/">Pedalabikeaway Cycle Centre</a><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">to</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> hire bikes for the morning and explore the forest on two wheels. The service was brilliant as they checked and fitted all of our bikes, including swapping to a trailer for Rohan as we felt he'd enjoy it a little more this way, and give Onyx a rest if he needed it! We were soon all set up and on our way, deciding to take the ten mile family trail round the forest. It was a great distance for us, taking around an hour and a half (with a few stops!) and provided us with such stunning scenery. The trail was also relatively quiet, with us being the only users on it for good portions, which was great to feel like we could spread out and go at our own pace. Onyx ended up running the whole way with us, he was definitely a tired pup at the end of the day! The views were just beautiful and it's so relaxing cycling through the woods, it really reminded me of a place we used to go to as a family for cycling over in Norfolk. </span></div>
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Once we'd returned our bikes we headed back to the cabin so Theo and Rob could head off for a <a href="https://www.forestholidays.co.uk/forest-of-dean/forest-ranger/">forest survival session</a> located onsite. They spent a good few hours with an expert who talked them through all sorts of skills, giving tips and advice as they walked along through the woods. Theo seemed to take so much of it in and came back chatting about all that he'd learnt, especially about fire lighting and wanting to get his own steel and flint. After building a camp fire and having a go to light it, they finished off with hot chocolate. I think they'd definitely recommend having a go at this! I just think it's so important for kids to get out in the woods and immerse themselves in it, and learn some new skills along the way.<br />
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Determined to explore as much as possible, once Theo and Rob had returned we jumped back in the car to go up the road to <a href="https://www.puzzlewood.net/">Puzzlewood Forest</a>. Unfortunately they don't allow pushchairs on site, and the forest isn't accessible to wheelchairs, something which isn't very clear from their website and we were only told when we turned up, so something to bear in mind to plan for if you want to visit! It's a shame it isn't more disabled accessible, but I do understand that it's an ancient natural woodland. If we'd known we would've taken our back carrier so we could all visit the wood, but Theo and I just had a wander round instead. That being said there was a lot to do for Rohan without visiting the woods themselves, so he was happy. When we arrived we headed to the cafe for a late lunch, and sat outside in the lovely picnic area surrounded by trees. The area had a mini music garden and a great hill for rolling down which is perfect for keeping kids entertained whilst you wait for food, we stayed in this area for quite a while as it really relaxing in the late afternoon and not too busy at all. </div>
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After lunch (which was nice and well priced!) we wandered over to the playground and farm area and said hello to all the animals which was very fun...I always have a soft spot for goats! It was actually quite nice not to have the pushchair for a few hours as I think it encourages Rohan to be out on his feet and engaging in the world a little more, he is too heavy to carry in our arms constantly and I like seeing him wander about as much as possible. After the mini farm we headed to the barns where they have a few activities such as a maze that Theo and I tackled and a toddler area with lots of ride on cars and scooters which Rohan had a lot of fun on. Whilst he was entertained here Theo and I headed into the magical forest itself where we followed small winding paths taking us through the woods and off on tangents around and under the roots of these old trees. The woods was dark and mysterious, covered in moss and smelling of damp earth. We followed steps leading through between towering rocks and held hands as we explored round scary corners. It was so quiet and still, except for the occasional rustle of the undergrowth where we managed to spot little mice travelling through their tunnels and poking their heads out occasionally. The watched squirrels dart from tree to tree and just stood and marvelled the ancient trees and the magical surroundings. You can see why it's been used as a backdrop for so many films. </div>
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After we'd wandered around a while and managed not to get too lost we made our way out of the forest as it was nearing closing time. We definitely could have stayed a lot longer and explore more of the woods. I think we'll add that to our list of something to visit again, this time with a carrier for Rohan! </div>
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Despite their faces they did enjoy themselves! We made our way back to the cabin ready for an evening of hot tubs, eurovision and the log burner...sounds good doesn't it?<br />
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Come back for more soon!<br />
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We worked together with <a href="http://www.wyedeantourism.co.uk/">Forest of Dean & Wye Valley Tourism board</a> for this post, in exchange for a review of local attractions and accommodation. Our cabin, entry to places and travel has been covered in exchange for the review, but I've not been paid for my time or opinions. All words and images are my own. </div>
abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-51345886275179960612019-05-16T14:30:00.000+01:002019-05-16T14:30:06.971+01:00Easter part one <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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So Easter came and went pretty quickly didn't it? The first week was spent pretty close to home, trying to get outside in the still pretty chilly sunshine as much as possible. Things aren't always the easiest when both the boys are at home for long periods of time as Rohan just becomes impossible to be around Theo without being really physical with him meaning they have to mainly be separated. It's not much fun and to be honest I'm not particularly looking forward to the long 6 weeks of the Summer!<br />
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My sister did come to visit towards the end of the week and that was a great distraction, we went on walks, baked, had a mini easter egg hunt in the garden and visited the beautiful Ethicurean for tea and cake. We had a potter around the garden admiring the flowers and the beautiful view, I always feel pretty lucky that this is on my doorstep!<br />
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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-48884259912437569122019-04-23T22:20:00.000+01:002019-04-23T22:20:52.945+01:00A Rohan Update <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I thought it was about time for a little Rohan update, seeing as he's just seemingly had a huge leap in development. He just keeps blowing us away really with what he's achieving and I just wanted to make sure I documented it.<br />
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So where to start, I guess the biggest and the one we have been working towards is walking. Rohan has been using his little walker for a while now, I guess properly since around September and October and has just been gaining in confidence ever since. He seems so much more stable on his legs and just goes whizzing about, and that was great but he couldn't change direction or move the walker in any other direction other than forwards that was until one day he just decided that he could. He dragged it to one side to move it and then it all just seemed to click into place! Later that day I took him to the sports centre for Theo's swimming lesson and only took his walker in, and with a few more practice lifts and drags he suddenly mastered being able to turn it in any direction he wanted! I couldn't believe it and had to hold back the tears and just wanted to run and tell people what he'd just learnt because I was so proud! Since then he's not looked back and is getting so confident with it. I've been trying to encourage him to use it as much as possible and ditching the buggy whenever possible so he gets used to walking places and not just being sat down and wheeled around everywhere.<br />
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This confidence on being on two feet hasn't just been limited to his walker though, as he's pulling himself up and cruising everywhere he can and even taking tentative steps (whilst still holding on!) between furniture which is so good to see his confidence growing. He's suddenly surprised us too by taking a few steps completely unaided between us! I couldn't believe it when it first happened, it was almost like hang on, we've been waiting for so long for this moment, I've had dreams about it where I've woken up and had to remember that it wasn't real to then suddenly see him wobbling along on his own was just something else. I think it took a while to sink in really. We've just been working so hard to get his confidence up, making sure he's walking around supported by us or his walker as much as possible to get used to being up on his feet that I'm so happy to see some of it start to pay off, but at the same time I have to remind myself that it's still going to be such a slow process to him actually being able to walk properly. If we've learnt anything in the three years we've known Rohan, it's that he does things in his own time and his own way. Yes he can suddenly surprise you by a sudden leap, but that line won't always follow an upward ark; it will do loop the loops, zig zags and go forwards and backwards. I don't want to feel like I'm being negative, more just reminding myself to be realistic before I get too excited about him walking and picturing our summer with him bounding over the beach etc. Plus he's pretty stubborn and won't do something if he doesn't want to!<br />
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So let's move on to communication shall we? This boy is learning pretty quickly at the moment and seems to be understanding so much more which is great, the only problem is interpreting what he wants and how to teach him the correct signs back. He gets pretty insistent on wanting things and actually has developed a pretty annoying habit of just making a whinging sound until he gets what he wants. I'm desperately trying to teach him as many signs as I can and we're working on a little picture book so he can identify objects he may want, but I know it's all going to take time. He's not really developed any clear speech sounds yet, but he definitely has different ways of making sounds for the things he wants or in different situations. He'll wave hello and goodbye on request, will stick out his feet when you ask him to put on his shoes, he'll lift up his arms when you say "arms up" and has just started point to different parts of his face when you ask where something is (he doesn't always get it right but you know it's a start!) His little pointy finger emerged at some point last year and I really love that he can point to things now, and press buttons and all sorts, it really is the sweetest! He can choose between objects, will respond when you ask him if he wants to go to bed/have a bath/have food/play/ask for more. He likes you to sing a lot and will often ask for more singing, his favourite song being wind the bobbin up! He can sign book and will go and choose which one he wants out of the whole shelf and at bedtime will go and pick one then bring it to you, turning himself around and snuggle into your lap with his bottle, he'll then turn the pages or lift the flaps or just listen to the whole story (which in itself is amazing for his concentration!) and it really is my favourite thing to do with him. Rohan also picked up the sign for biscuit remarkably quickly...I wonder why and now asks for it and will sign please too, I'm desperately trying to get him to sign Mummy but so far it's not going in, cheers for that Rohan! Other signs include: cat, dog, more, finished, milk, food, banana, book, bath, sing, go, brother and tv.<br />
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He started doing a little movement which I think came from me counting to three on my fingers and saying ready steady go, so now when he sits at the top of a slide, in a swing or at the side of a swimming pool he'll make a little pointy finger and move it backwards and forwards so you say: ready steady go! At the go he points to the side and hopefully actually moves, but you know, this doesn't always happen! But it's very sweet and he just loves it, I really feel like it's his little game and it's good when we both understand the rules. His confidence with playing and being outside has grown massively too, and whilst he does still like to sit and observe other children he is pretty keen to explore and join in a bit more too, it really does depend on what sort of mood he's in! I take him to a little play group in the village and sometime he'll sit in the middle of the floor, with something to chew on and just find great delight in watching the other children zoom about. Other times he'll get himself in a little car and push himself backwards (we're nearly there on moving forwards but it takes a lot more effort!) or climb up the little slide or go along on a car ramp. He will sit himself down for snack time and join in with the other children at the table and I just love to see him doing the same as all the other kids. He really is so sociable, and at nursery and his childminder they say that's what he likes doing the most, watching and taking it all in.<br />
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We had an audiology appointment recently, following up from his last on in November when they tested his hearings after he had grommits put in. They found that they weren't really working all that well and in fact he just had a lot of wax and congestion and thought that his hearing aids wouldn't really help the situation either, so he's been without them since September. This time around they found that whilst he was still congested he was hearing more or less most of the sounds he needs to and actually his underlying hearing if perfect it's just that pesky middle ear congestion making it harder, but they decided that he still didn't really need the hearing aids which is positive. So fingers crossed once the warmer weather starts to arrive he'll be a little less congested.<br />
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His eating is more or less going well, he can tolerate a lot more solid food now like rice cakes, bread and toast. He definitely has a massive sweet tooth so I know we'll have to watch that one as he gets bigger. I'm trying to introduce him to different types of fruit as so far he will only really eat banana, the same with other vegetables. He will of course have vegetables in his meals, but they're more all mixed together as he's still on fairly soft toddler style meals. I think we missed a lot of that whole weaning process in the beginning of getting him used to different textures and colours as we were just so worried about his weight from his constant sickness, it really hit my confidence and I was just so concerned about getting food in him and him keeping it down that it didn't really happen. I hope it's not too late now and that his stubbornness doesn't make it even trickier as I know going forwards his diet and weight are going to be really important to keep on top of as he gets older.<br />
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But for now we're in an alright place, he is more or less sleeping through the night every night, he's making such progress with his physical skills and communication so now we just need it to continue really. We just need to stop the whinging and horrendous noise that he makes so we can not feel so tense when it happens as it really is intense. I feel a little like we've found our feet, things are a bit more stable and I just hope it continues in this way. I know there's probably a million other things I need to update on that I've forgotten, but I know if I don't press publish on this now it will be months out of date and then I'll never get round to writing an up to date one!<br />
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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-32276290781714919312019-04-16T08:59:00.002+01:002019-05-07T14:23:24.665+01:00April and the would be birthday<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGbj5WufnYwDRaE7pdrrg3l2CLpb2S4BWPJtN_W-gcZslyWTTe21RlgV7KY3OcQ6q0LEobFM7VBlu7XOyzkebn2vAQ2jOiVAVcowdPu_xmFgYMMaFZ-xPdz7scvEB3Mec_lpPRGgeg7TIN/s1600/LRM_EXPORT_71834159914656_20190415_202727119.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGbj5WufnYwDRaE7pdrrg3l2CLpb2S4BWPJtN_W-gcZslyWTTe21RlgV7KY3OcQ6q0LEobFM7VBlu7XOyzkebn2vAQ2jOiVAVcowdPu_xmFgYMMaFZ-xPdz7scvEB3Mec_lpPRGgeg7TIN/s1600/LRM_EXPORT_71834159914656_20190415_202727119.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>I've not spoken about this for a long while but suddenly this time of year rolls around, the trees are heavy with blossom, new life is emerging every where we look and whilst it fills me with joy there is also this feeling of sadness for could have beens around this time. It all feels like a cruel trick sometimes.<br /><br />This was when we were supposed to be meeting our April baby, the one that never made it. I should be remembering that time when I was heavily pregnant, eagerly awaiting the time we'd get to meet our second baby. Would we have celebrated those first few birthdays with little picnics in the park under the heavy blossoms, would we now be celebrating the fourth birthday, soaking up those last few months before they would start school. There are so many unanswered questions and it breaks my heart that we'll never know.<br /><br />The thing is, there's not much time that goes by where I don't think about that little life and what it could've been, who you might have been and how different it would all look now. Would the sibling relationship be different, would they be able to play together more, would our lives be filled with another boy or would it have been a girl this time. It's such a strange feeling to mourn memories that didn't ever happen but it's that feeling that gets me the most. Like a little window opening up and a glimpse into the future, but like a train whooshing past a station without stopping, those images and views are gone so quickly, that moment lost but yet the journey keeps on going.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLKa_24qUiUxzG-7MH3PGBIRa_dNokJFQB47juMGzCVUgMauZwdBHl_EijGighC84lpF7LxWlokPWWM6mvEqnR19zPRSDG2-t-dObqp-Ga4coqU27N082nL6DbnYlOmZL8AQfyc8f1Uk3D/s1600/LRM_EXPORT_71794232738684_20190415_202647192.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLKa_24qUiUxzG-7MH3PGBIRa_dNokJFQB47juMGzCVUgMauZwdBHl_EijGighC84lpF7LxWlokPWWM6mvEqnR19zPRSDG2-t-dObqp-Ga4coqU27N082nL6DbnYlOmZL8AQfyc8f1Uk3D/s1600/LRM_EXPORT_71794232738684_20190415_202647192.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>I'm not sure whether I'll ever be able to look at April in the same way, whether this date will always hold some significance but it's all we really have left to link us together, me and the would be babe.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div></div>abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-45049235803643739432019-03-06T11:16:00.000+00:002019-03-06T11:16:17.898+00:00February in Pictures<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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February, you moved in a blur but actually any step closer to Spring is always good in my book. We spent the month trying to get over illness, avoid hospital (which we did!) and Rob and I even managed to take a trip away for a few days, more to come on that soon! We had a day of snow which meant time off school then we added a very special member to our family - our little puppy Onyx! He's a rescue puppy from Romania and is 5 months old. We're very much in love with him and have spent the weekends taking him to our favourite places for walks and am very much enjoying the fact that he's getting us out the house a little more.<br />
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Half term then rolled around pretty quickly, and we were treated to some amazing (if not a little worrying!) warm weather for February, but made the most of it by taking visiting the beach and Avon Valley Adventure Park.<br />
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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-15187549163116502862019-01-28T11:47:00.000+00:002019-01-28T11:47:18.074+00:002019 and the month of birthdays<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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January is a strange one for me, it always makes me just want to hibernate still and not have to be all organised and looking forward for the new year. I think it's a strange time to start a fresh and make new plans, when the world around you is still sleeping and in self preservation mode waiting for the warmer weather to appear and unfurl, unfold and open up ready for the light and warmth.<br />
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January is also the month of babies being born, well both of mine, which means birthdays. Which means a whole range of emotions. So really January is a time for massive change, well it has been for the past 8 years when Theo tumbled into the world and into our lives, changing them forever. It's been a time of learning something new, embracing new normals and finding strength to carry on. Sometimes I can't believe we've been parents for 8 years but at the same time where has that time gone. How is Theo 8 already? Soon it'll be double figures.<br />
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There's this massive bittersweet feeling that's so hard to describe, but it always breaks my heart every time a birthday rolls around. I have a big sob and cry looking at old photos and videos because my body aches to be able to travel back in time and spend a day with Theo (it's a little different with Rohan) at each of his ages. His tiny newborn self all froggy legged and velvet haired, his cheeky toddling one year old just starting to discover everything around him, the train obsessed word saying two year old with the sweetest high sing song voice, the outgoing adventurous tree climbing (still train obsessed) three year old, the curious independent but still my baby and best little friend 4 year old, the most sensitive, caring, bravest brand new brother and school going 5 year old, the non stop talking, Harry Potter, lego and books obsessed 6 year old who thinks he knows everything and finally the game obsessed, sensitive, confident, fact obsessed, strong willed 7 year old. How can it be that all this time has passed?<br />
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I'm so conscious of the fact that we had five long years of a life of just Theo, getting to know him and whilst there is a huge part of me that regrets not having a sibling for him closer together and of course a sibling relationship that was perhaps easier than the situation we have now I'm still so thankful of all that time I had with Theo, just him. He was truly my little mate and sidekick for so long and I miss that. I miss our days just playing and learning at home, going out on adventures on trains or to the park, the travels we took as just a family of three. I know it's easy to look back with those rose tinted glasses and think how idyllic it all was but sometimes I look at photos of us and think about myself that I had no idea of what was to come.<br />
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Gosh it really sounds like I prefer it before doesn't it? But I really don't, I'm just still really trying to come to terms with it all and just mourning that life we thought we'd have still, or our life before. That's why I don't or can't look back at Rohan's early years or birthdays in the same way just yet. Those times are filled with happiness yes but also so much pain and worry and stress. Our lives changed in unimaginable ways and it's still not or will ever be the way we imagined it. I feel guilt, I feel sadness and pain over so much that happened but I also feel love. I think it's important to realise that I can feel both at the same time, just because I feel pain over what happened with Rohan doesn't take away the love I have for him, they don't cancel each other out but co-exist. I may not be ready to look back at his birth and the years that have followed quite in the same way I do with Theo, I'm not ready to jump back there if the chance arose but I'm hoping with some help that one day I will.<br />
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But now that January is coming to a close and the birthday's have passed I feel like it's time to start coming out of hibernation, once we shift these colds of course...</div>
abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-27431605927956604332018-12-07T10:58:00.000+00:002018-12-07T10:58:15.464+00:00Christmas traditions<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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A few weeks before the beginning of December Theo asked me whether I could make the advent calendar similar to one a few years back when I filled little bigs with chocolate and festive activities and outings. I must have been the year before Rohan arrived because I definitely don't feel like I could've managed it these past two Christmas's, especially not when we ended up moving house four days before! But I'm glad that he remembered it and wanted it again instead of a shop bought one, considering he had a lego one last year I was pretty pleased that my bodged together one held fond memories for him!<br />
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I haven't quite gone all out Instagram and fashioned one out of a branch, foliage and string but instead found a fairly non-offensive felt calendar with fill your own pockets (that's ok right?!) then I went about filling it with activities to do and spend time together, because really in this crazy time of year, even something as simple as going to a cafe, making some hot chocolate together or playing a board game can be a real treat, and I think these are the things that Theo held on to from those years ago and that made me feel pretty happy. I love how Christmas traditions are created and evolve over time and are passed on to your own children from your childhood memories.<br />
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Last weekend we had our first activity which was to go and pick our tree. We've not really created a solid tradition with this yet, getting it from a variety of places over the years but this year we decided to go to a cut your own for the first time. I had those visions of walking amongst the rows of trees happily deciding which one would be ours to take home, and actually it was pretty much like that, except for the weather was pretty miserable, Rohan wasn't that keen on being put down and it was harder than I imagined to find the right tree! But in the end we did, or well Theo did! We think he did a pretty good job selecting our tree, called Jane (they are all named!) and luckily we made it back to the car before it started raining again and Rohan had had enough! So I thought I'd share some photos of our little trip out and hopefully we will come back again.<br />
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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-76861761333142804832018-12-02T08:19:00.000+00:002018-12-02T08:19:47.264+00:00Getting Festive at Avon Valley adventure and wildlife park! <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Last weekend we decided to start the festive season early (actually is it even considered early? Things seem to start before then now anyway!) Anyway, we were invited to visit Father Christmas in the North Pole (actually <a href="https://christmas.avonvalley.co.uk/">Avon Valley adventure park</a>!) and go on a Christmas adventure!<br />
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We always try and fit in a little visit to Father Christmas over December and with Theo turning 8 in January I'm pretty conscious of how long he's still going to believe in it all, as well as that Rohan is becoming so much more aware of his wider surroundings and really enjoying activities too, so we thought it would be the perfect place for them to visit and both enjoy!<br />
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We arrived just in the nick of time (a warning, if you're going then make sure you read the ticket properly and arrive ten minutes before unlike us!!) but even though we were there slightly on the late side everyone was really accommodating and waited for us before it all started. First of all we entered into a small cave like room filled with foliage and lights to meet two very enthusiastic elves! It was a great introduction and really set the tone for how the whole experience would go. We had to use magic to get through the door and walk through a wintery tree lined path to meet the other Elves, in the toy making workshop. The children then had to help the elves make some teddy bears (and then give them back again which I was surprised none of the children complained about!!) as well as use some Christmas spirit to get the machines all working. It was so well done and all the children were completely captivated! Rohan loved watching the Elves as they jumped around lots and just giggled with delight every time they came near, they made sure they said hello and interacted with every child which was lovely.<br />
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Next we travelled on to the gingerbread workshop where the children could decorate their own biscuit (and thankfully keep!!) and had a story read to them by the three Elves; Snap, Crackle and Pop. Rohan pretty much just sat and ate most of his chocolate whilst we helped him decorate and Theo got properly stuck in to the decorating, including wearing the sweet chefs hat!<br />
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Once we'd finished the last workshop we entered into the Yuletide Square and the Enchanted village with about an hour to spare before taking the magic portal to Santas Grotto. It just felt so magical with dozens of snowy Christmas trees lining the square, rides and Christmas music! We entered into the dark and cosy village full of tiny Elf houses, decorated trees and reindeers and visited the mail room where Theo wrote a little letter to Father Christmas before it being whizzed off. He liked the mail room so much that he volunteered his services to help out! We had our photo taken with some snowmen and showed Rohan all the lights and the (fake) snow before heading back outside for our free hot chocolate and enjoyed some doughnuts too (because it's totally ok to have just sugar for lunch in the North Pole right?) </div>
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After we'd finished up our snack we visited two real Reindeer (Donna and Blitzen if I remember correctly!) and the boys were able to feed them themselves which I think Rohan was very intrigued by! The whole feel of the village and square was really magical and I'm pretty sure Theo believed that we were actually in a different place to where we started and I just thought the scale and detail of the event was brilliant. We managed to a little go on the rides just before we had to go on to the next part of the experience to meet Father Christmas. I liked how we didn't feel rushed though and had the full hour in the village to be able to explore properly.</div>
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The last stop was upon the virtual reality shuttle which took us on a long journey around the world to see the sights before arriving at Santas secret location. Rohan loved the ride so much and again giggled through the whole thing! We were taken in a small group into his cabin filled with trinkets and pictures where Santa Claus and Mrs Claus greeted us and asked what the children wanted as gifts, it was all pretty magical and very believable! Next the children were given presents with their names on (a really lovely touch I think!) before having a photo opportunity. Non of it felt rushed at all and there was none of that panic to try and get your photo in quick and move off again.<br />
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Finally our experience was drawing to a close, and we took a little train ride out of the village and arrived back in the park where we could spend the rest of the day to enjoy the grounds, animals and indoor play area. We honestly had the most magical experience and it was such a great way to kick off the festive season! I thought that the level of detail and entertainment that you get for your money (considering it includes entry to the park also) was brilliant and it really was a whole days experience, compared to paying a tenner at the local shopping centre for 5 minutes! I know the tickets have all pretty much sold out as I speak, so if you can't make it this year I highly recommend getting in early and booking next year!<br />
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<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ykRs5JI91p4" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<i>We were gifted the experience in exchange for a review but all words and images are my own! x</i></div>
abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-20781204090957193912018-11-25T08:00:00.001+00:002018-11-25T08:03:24.651+00:00Weekend adventures: Dyrham Park in the Autumn<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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So Winter's suddenly here now right? I've not been very well these past few weeks (hello sinus infection urgh) so my time outside has been pretty limited but on a day when I had to venture out this week I was suddenly struck by how Wintery it was suddenly looking. The trees suddenly felt all bare, the grass and roofs of houses have been covered in a thick layer of frost, and I even heard that allusive word of snow drifting round a few times! That Christmas feeling has started to creep in and the urge to haul all the decorations out of the loft is getting stronger, I need those pretty lights and glitter to lift my spirits a little! But before I fully indulge in the festive season I thought I would share some photos from a little trip to <a href="https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/dyrham-park">Dyrham Park, a National Trust</a> near us on what was probably our last Autunmal outing (without me knowing gah!)<br />
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Theo had been staying with my Mum for the weekend so we met half way to pick him up and this seemed like the perfect place to meet. We had a little late lunch (hello jacket potato with cheese and beans, my favourite!!) before having a walk around the beautiful gardens and grounds. Rohan had a really good go with his walker and walked the furthest he ever has around the grounds, and looked so pleased with himself in the process, as well as some lovely encouragement from Theo! We stayed until the sun started dipping down and made our way back home.<br />
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Hope you enjoy the pictures, I really enjoyed taking them!<br />
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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-77916786582675617752018-11-22T20:42:00.002+00:002018-11-22T21:40:59.602+00:00A Rohan update <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">So
where to begin...over the past few months I had been slowly adding to a
big long update post and was just ready to publish when I did something stupid
(when I thought I had the text backed up) but managed to wipe the whole thing.
So here we are, back to square one.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I’m so desperate
to keep this blog alive, to keep recording but sometimes I do wonder whether it’s
dying its own death on its own. Self-sabotage. Maybe that’s something that’s
happening to blogs in general. I mean this blog has never had a huge following
but I guess it’s had a steady amount of readers who like to check in, and for
me it seems like a much more permanent (aside from my most recent error!) form
of recording than an Instagram post. I tend to do much shorter updates over
there, but I do like being able to expand a little more but perhaps I should
try and keep it to shorter sections here as to not make the task of writing a
massive post too daunting and therefore taking me MONTHS to complete. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">So, let’s
talk about Rohan’s development, or really if you want to get technical, his
gross motor skills.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I can’t
remember really where he was when I last updated but suddenly it seems as
though he’s really clicked with walking and wanting to be on his feet. At the
beginning of the summer we were given a walking frame by his physio which, like
most things with Rohan has taken a little while for him to get used to. It
started ok, he was keen and liked being congratulated but we only used it for
really sort tester periods at home, but he still preferred to bum shuffle about
and even started crawling more often. There were moments where he frightened
himself a little when it became unstable when he lent against the back of it
and therefore became a little resistant to using it, but we persevered and I
started to take it with us to his nursery settings to try and get him used to
using it in as many environments as possible. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
I guess I should add that one of the things that changed with his walker was that I became a little more confident in taking it out with us. It's such a massive and bright obvious thing and it screams for attention, and it's not out of embarrassment but me being self conscious. I didn't want an extra thing to make us stand out or to mark us as different so it's really taken me quite a few months to build up that confidence to take it out in public. We started just by taking it to our local park where I know most of the people who go there, and therefore they know Rohan too and whilst I know that else where people would either be curious or well meaning I perhaps wasn't ready to have to have the conversation as to why he needed the walker or what it was for. I spoke a little about this on my instagram and it's so true that sometimes it's just exhausting to always have to have answers prepared, to have a little script that you default to and it just felt like another thing I needed to build up to and add. Sometimes I just dream of going out without feeling like I need to be armed with all these things, sort of just needing an invisibility cloak or a shield to just be able to blend in a little more. But then slowly things shifted and I knew we needed to incorporate Rohan's walker into our everyday to encourage him to use it more and get him used to being on his feet and walking places instead of being carried (also my back will thank me) so it became more important than any of my own hang ups.<br />
<br />
And really since then we've not even had to have that many conversations, I've had smiles and comments of how sweet he looks from adults and innocent questions from children, and actually you know what, I'm so proud of Rohan just being able to be around and do things that other kids are doing, with his walker alongside him. I think it's great that perhaps those kids will go home and not think twice about it or the next time they see another child using one, and actually the more open and using it in public the better as the more normal it seems.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">We also
started to encourage him to walk with us holding his hands, which probably isn’t
the best for him to practice balance, but in my head, it was getting him used
to the idea of being on his feet and taking steps instead of being on his
bottom, and this mixed with him using his walker has hopefully helped him build
confidence with being on his feet more. He’s been pulling himself up onto furniture
for a while, from kneeling then standing and then experimented with a little cruising.
Now he’s fully able to cruise around furniture, and even taking little steps
(whilst still holding on) between gaps. I’ve seen him take a few tentative
hands off also and balance on his own for a few seconds too! All exciting
stuff. He's become a master stair climbing now too, after a month or two of practicing, which I was actually surprised at how quickly he picked it up! We've now had to install a stair gate as he became so ninja like at climbing them that a few times we had no idea he'd got himself up and found him half way up the stairs! Whoops...He's not mastered going back down them yet but I guess we'll figure that one out. He also decided that he doesn't mind crawling on all fours and does a mix between that and bum shuffling, to be honest I'd rather he crawled so he didn't ruin so many pairs of trousers as they all eventually get massive holes in the bum. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">The thing is
with Rohan, is that he is developing. Every day he seems to try or gain confidence
in his abilities but it’s just at such a slower rate, it’s like everything is protracted
or in slow motion, and it’s like viewing things through a magnifying glass.
What with Theo may have taken a few weeks takes months and months with Rohan
which means we notice every single detail and little change, which is amazing
actually as you can really see the process it all goes through.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I feel like
we’re heading in the right direction, I just hope that he continues working on his
confidence in his abilities and becomes a little more daring at what he’s
willing to try. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">His fine motor
skills are coming along pretty nicely too, he recently discovered his pointing
finger and I don’t know why but I find it the cutest thing ever. He’s started
to point to things a little and know taps on things like my phone with it,
which means perhaps we can start playing a few more games with him like that.
He’s got pretty good hand control and can pick up most objects and use a pincer
grip, he can also feed himself and knows where his mouth is, he can use a spoon
and fork also and is really working hard to load them himself too. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I think it's all so promising and it seems like only a matter of time before perhaps he will take a few steps and I just can't wait for that day! </span>It's so strange, I've had a few dreams where Rohan has taken steps, or said his first word and it all seemed so natural and normal and the feeling was so joyus. It feels weird to wake up and remember after dreams like that, like I almost have to check that it didn't happen for real. I know he'll get there in his own time but there's still a part of me that is impatient for it, I want him to suddenly one day just get it and start walking and whilst I know that's not our reality I would be lying if I wasn't impatient sometimes. I just have all these moments and pictures in my head that I can't wait for; him to toddle over to my open arms, him to walk by my side holding my hand, him to run around the park or play on the beach. I know it's all there waiting to happen, but sometimes I want it to be now.<br />
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But for now we're so proud of how far he's come! </div>
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abigailemilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12347783997932780506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2861132439468273270.post-69561934051819194922018-11-14T13:13:00.000+00:002018-11-14T13:13:29.722+00:00Barcelona adventures<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I thought it was just about time to share a few photos from our little trip sans children to Barcelona that we took at the beginning on October. We planned it all the way back in June, after finding out that my sister was pregnant and wanting to go and see her before the baby arrives in December. It was also our five year wedding anniversary, Rob's 30th birthday and just in fact an excuse to have a break. We've not been anywhere on holiday just to two of us since our honeymoon and frankly that was a bit shit. Not because of the company but because of where we stayed and in fact we sort of treated this like a little second honeymoon because of that fact.<br />
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We arranged for the boys to be looked after at home, so they could keep to their routines and be at school and nursery since we were going away in term time and mid-week. I was pretty anxious about leaving them, more particularly Rohan as we've only been away from him for a night before, and not to another country all together, especially since he was still recovering a little from his surgery, but he was in good hands with Robs parents staying for the whole week. We left on Sunday evening and it just felt so strange to be at the airport just us. No trying to keep them entertained whilst we waited, no having to control them, no million questions, just silence! Then we remembered this is what life is like with no children around!<br />
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We were greeted by torrential rain when we finally touched down in Barcelona where we were picked up by my blooming sister and drove back up the windy roads to her village above the city. We stayed up a little while chatting before it was time for bed. The next morning my sister had a hospital scan, so we left Rob in bed recovering from a cold and headed into the city. It was amazing to be able to join my sister and see the baby wriggling around inside her tummy, sometimes it still amazes me that she's going to have a baby and that I'm going to be an aunty for the first time! After her appointments we walked along the seafront back into town, chatting and having a proper catch up, until we reached one of our old favourite areas of El Born and decided to take the opportunity to do what we liked best, which is to walk the old streets looking at all the amazing back allies, tiny independent shops and window shopping. We used to do this years ago, before Theo came along, and it was so nice to relive those memories and really enjoy not being distracted by small people! We got especially excited when we stumbled upon the <a href="https://www.tinycottons.com/">Tiny Cottons</a> store and pawed and stroked every item of children's clothes saying I want that, I want this - I want it ALL!<br />
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The next few days passed like this; visiting different places, chatting, eating food, resting and relaxing in our child free state. Wednesday soon rolled around and that meant it was Rob's 30th birthday! I'd booked a surprise stay in a hotel in Barcelona, something we've never done before, so we packed up our bag for the night to head out to <a href="https://www.hotelbrummell.com/">Hotel Brummel</a>, on the other side of the city in Poble Sec, but first we stopped off at Camp Nou as that's what Rob wanted to do on his birthday. We spent a few hours going round the museum, which actually was really interesting as the history of the football club is so interwoven into the social history of Barcelona and the Catalan people. After we'd finished we made our way to the hotel to check in and were given the most amazing room! It had a gigantic roof terrace overlooking Mont Juic one way, the rest of the city the other and complete with an outside bath, which after getting pretty hot and sweaty on our way there, we decided would be a good opportunity to change into our swimmers and have a dip whilst enjoying a beer in the late afternoon. It really was pretty idyllic! The hotel itself is just stunning, it definitely made me want to stay for more than one night. It felt amazingly light and airy but with so many great design features and so much to look at. It definitely had that cool vibe, with lots of art on display, plants, beautiful furniture and products for sale. The staff were really friendly too, and gave us loads of tips of where to go and provide you with maps of loads of cool things to check out. If we were visiting Barcelona for the first time, or didn't have family here it would be such a great resource. There's also an attached yoga space where guests get free classes, but unfortunately they weren't on at the times when we were there, but otherwise I would've loved to go to a class. We really enjoyed our stay and it felt like a proper treat, the space inside and out were beautiful, with a stunning courtyard on the ground floor and a terrace with a small pool on the next floor up.<br />
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<span style="text-align: left;">We spent the rest of the afternoon just relaxing before getting ready to go out for dinner in the evening...again such a novelty! My sister and Borja joined us at their favourite pizza place in Ravel and we got to eat a whole meal without having to leave our seats once or feed anyone else! Afterwards we visited an old bar full of dusty shelves full of old bottles, mirrored walls and heavy old curtains and drank a few beers and Rob sampled the absinthe. Feeling pretty tired we walked the short way back through the city to our hotel, and tucked ourselves up with a cup of herbal tea. We know how to live now that we're in our thirties! </span></div>
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The next few days passed by much the same, we wandered around the streets, sat in parks, visited cafes, and went to another scan. We decided to take some maternity photos of my sister and Borja and walked up to Tibidabo which is just above where my sister lives. The evening light was perfect and we wandered around that area finding the perfect places to shoot. The next day we headed out again to visit a favourite out of town cafe my sister and Borja discovered for brunch before driving a little way more to a local vintage market, where we stumbled upon yet more amazing places to take a few more maternity shots.<br />
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